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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The USA (01/08/09)

TITLE: Highway Curves and Car Sickness
By Bryan Ridenour
01/12/09


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Several stomach churning curves lay behind them with still not one sign to indicate the distance to the nearest town. At this point Morris could care less what town, he just needed a place for his car sick wife to buy some motion sickness pills.

“Where are we Morris?” his wife moaned from the passenger seat. She shifted forward and began to dig furiously through the glove compartment for a map. When her husband ignored the question, she asked again, “Morris, where are we? And don’t tell me somewhere in southwest Missouruh.”

Harold glanced at his wife’s desperate attempt to unfold the map and then turned his attention to the winding road that lay ahead. He remembered spying a sign, Highway K, a few miles back and knew this road was the scenic route to Pea Ridge, Arkansas. However, he was not aware that civilization would be almost impossible to find on this passage. He quietly second guessed a decision to refuse his son’s offer of borrowing his GPS.

His wife’s moan and sudden lurching for the door handle interrupted his thoughts. “Honey, hold on ‘til I get stopped.” Ernestine opened the door and expelled her lunch. Fortunately, this was a sparsely traveled road and she took a little time to insure that she could continue on her trek. The door slammed shut and Morris realized that his wife’s color wavered between asparagus and moss green. He gently reached to comfort his wife of thirty years.

“Don’t touch me,” she seethed, crossing her arms across her chest.

“What?” he spouted, jerking his hand to the steering wheel.

“Morris, I wouldn’t be sick if we didn’t have to go to this Civil War re-enactment. Let me remind you, the Union wins! The South ain't goin’ to surprise you this time!”

Relief spread across Morris’ face as an intersection with a service station appeared as a blessed mirage in the desert. He pulled the car into a vacant space and turned off the ignition. “Ernestine, I’m do’in somethin’ that I love. Besides, we’ve been able to see a lot of these here United States that we wouldn’t have seen otherwise.”

As she plucked out a tissue from the box resting on the console, he saw her features soften. “I’m sorry Morris. I’m just havin’ a very bad day and I can’t think of another time in my life that I’ve felt so mis’rable. This didn’ even happen to me on the roller coaster at Silver Dollar City.”

This time he grabbed her hand and she offered no resistance. “I’ll tell you what, next summer instead of going to Pea Ridge again, we’ll go anywhere in America you wanna go.”

She mustered a smile. “I’m game for anywhere, as long as we don’t have to take this Highway K. Deal?”

“Deal,” he nodded.


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This article has been read 425 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 01/15/09
This is the first one I've read today that actually made me laugh--thank you so much for the humor!

I loved the story, but thought that the end fizzled a bit. No big deal--it's a great entry.
Teresa Lee Rainey01/20/09
Very clever title. Love the relationship of your characters and your wit. Look forward to reading more from you. :)
Betty Castleberry01/21/09
Love this slice of life. I kept waiting for the wife to announce an unplanned pregnancy. Very entertaining.
Norma-Anne Hough 01/21/09
Great entry. Loved your characters.
Sheri Gordon01/21/09
Very good entry. I would have liked the story to go on a little further because you developed some interesting characters.

Pet peeve: The correct use of the phrase is "couldn't care less." No big deal though, many people use that incorrectly.

The dialogue and descriptions are very good. I agree with other posts, you'll be moving up soon.
Kellie Henningsen01/21/09
This was fun to read! You developed some interesting characters with great interaction between them.

I agree that I was waiting for the punch line -- that the wife was pregnant or some other life changing event.

Very descriptive and entertaining reading, though!
Connie Dixon01/21/09
I enjoyed this a lot, very descriptive and entertaining. You really held my attention.
Joy Faire Stewart01/21/09
I love the interaction between this couple. Great humor!
Chely Roach01/21/09
Very humorous. Well done!
Beth LaBuff 01/21/09
I driven through Missouri and thought it interesting that many county roads have letter names. :) Your MC is either my brother-in-law or a close relative. :) We "fight" the Civil War all over whenever we see him. :) Great story!
Leah Nichols 01/22/09
Too short!

I agree, you have enough room to make a point here or add a punchline to your story. Great dialogue; try to show, more than tell with your descriptions. I did like the phrase "stomach churning curves". A few more great lines like that and your writing will be stellar.

Nicely done!


   
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