The Official Writing Challenge
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Gripping dramatic monologue--deeply stirring! I love the ending--a dying soldier expressing worship in the only way he knows to do. Awesome piece.
09/14/07
I absolutely LOVE the MC's voice. Everything about this piece was compelling and masterful. Wow.
I must admit--I'm sometimes a klutz. You can read the comment for your wonderful story two places: here and on the previous entry...

The centurion's words fit perfectly into the resurrection account. What a creative way you've managed to tell the story from this point of view.
Wonderful account of the resurrection. Your word choices are beautiful.
This is why you are in master's. This is a very thoughtful and wonderful piece. The writing is bold and the ending is perfect. Five stars from me.
09/15/07
A clever take on the story of Calvary. I particularly enjoyed the way he harangued his ill-attentive clerk. Moreover I liked the way you left the ending hanging.
Nevertheless I felt that something rang a little false in terms of the period and the culture. I don’t know that the guards would have spoken about ‘angels’ as these don’t appear as such in the Roman pantheon. Likewise the Romans, surrounded as they were by so many gods and goddesses, had great difficulty in understanding the concept of a monotheistic religion, even to the extent of branding Christians as atheists. So I have my doubts whether he would really have called on Jesus as God with a capital G.
09/17/07
I loved the voice you've given the MC. Even in his old age the military starch and crease is still there, acknowledging the reality of God the only way he knows how. Good job.
09/17/07
I wished I had thought of writing about this moment when the head soldier had gone to check on his soldiers guarding the grave - bravo!

You pulled this off well and from an interesting POV.

It gave me so many different ideas! So ... kudos to ya girl!
God bless those that passed history down by both the spoken and written word and God continue to bless your writings. Great sense of the EM's emotions in this article.
09/17/07
I LOVE this!! The soldier's voice to wonderful--humorous and yet so true to life. His commentary on his scribe adds a lot, too. Excellent!! :-) hugs!
09/17/07
Such a wonderful and interesting story idea. I never thought about what happened to the guards after Jesus had risen. Great description.
Oh, I can almost smell the scent of sunset in the room and hear the scratching of the scribe's stylus as he writes! The MC's voice is indeed so authentic and engaging. This is wonderful Biblical fiction. I just stumbled over the word 'fiction' as I typed it.. your story seems so real. Love your interplay of humor and drama. Great story!
09/17/07
WOW!! This is master writing all the way!
09/17/07
Love it! (as I do everything you write)! The setting is perfect, the story has a familiar feel yet with a unknown sense of anticipation. Wonderful writing.
09/17/07
Well, I missed this my first time through the level, but it is crafted so well! The descriptions of the scenes and the people involved are very realistic. I especially like the last line, too. You brought this Biblical setting to life!
I'm sure this was a time of enlightenment for many unbelievers.
09/18/07
Nice writing, Jan! Never would have thought to write from this POV. Creative.
Laury
09/19/07
I loved the tone in which you wrote this, it was gripping and thought provoking. Nicely done!
This captivated me. The voice was so consistent and in character all throughout. I could picture the scene as if it were playing out before my eyes. You transported me to the time and reminded me that no heart is too hard for Jesus to penetrate.
Wow, this was cool! I loved the tone of the MC and you kept it consistant throughout. There were a few spots that seemed like the soldier's thoughts, rather than part of the narration that I thought might need to be punctuated defferently to set them apart. But that was only a tiny distraction. Wonderful story!
09/20/07
I think I know the author here, and if this piece does not win, it is a winner from all these comments. How can any other surprise compare to this one? You brought us back there, with the language, customs, the scribe, and the drama at the end. I can see the movie now. We need to make this a movie... GREAT WRITING! Thank you...
Whoo-hoo, Jan! You deserved this and more. Clap-clap! High fives! Handsprings!(well maybe not handsprings - I could hurt myself!)
09/20/07
Congratulations! As always, very, very clever, and superb writing. Way to go.
09/20/07
What I love most is the creative vehicle you use to have your narrator tell his story. Congratulations, Jan, and thank you, too, for reading and leaving a comment on my entry. I really appreciate it, especially since it came from you, one of my favorite faithwriters.
09/20/07
You deserved first place - WOW! Congrats :) Cat
Yeah! Your powerful story got 1st place. Congratulations!
06/24/08
Jan, I'm just getting back to writing after a long break so, during this down time I thought I'd peruse the Editor's Choice winners. This was a great story. You had me hooked from the very beginning with the colorful descriptions of this unsavory man. Then, at the end, you hooked me with a surprise. I enjoyed this very much. It was not only surprising, it was POWERFUL. Great job!