The Official Writing Challenge
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05/29/08
Oh wow. This is good writing, for sure. Just never really thought much about poor John's head on the platter. Its not real heavy on topic but it does touch it PLUS its excellent writing. Good job.
Laury
05/29/08
LOVE how you ended with that question. Very effective. This piece engaged me from beginning to end. Well done.
Oh my goodness! This is so very good. Your descriptions and the thought processes of the servant and seeing the Biblical account of John's death from the servant's POV gave the story more depth. Well done, very well done indeed.
05/30/08
An interesting angle in this piece. The writing kept me engaged throughout. Well done.
Ewww, I never really thought about the poor guy who had to deliver the platter. I liked the angle you took on a familiar Bible story.
I enjoy reading behind the scenes Bible stories, and this one was no exception.
The ending was great. Nicely done.
06/01/08
Excellent title! What a unique POV on the topic and on this very well-known pair of cousins. Very creative and well written. Good work, Cheri
Very creative take on this story. Descriptive, too! (gruesome, but probably accurate). I especially like your ending.
Great job with this story--excellent description and creativity.
Oh, wow, how did you ever come up with the platter server? What an imaginative POV. Super job "thinking out of the box"! :)
06/03/08
Your title is great for this. You show a lot of creativity with your choice of a main character. The message and end are very good. Nice work!!
06/03/08
Oh my goodness, what an interesting POV! Your creativity with this entry amazes me! I love Bible stories and I particularly like the way you presented this one, even though the subject matter was frightening. Kudos!!
What a perfect title!

Your descriptions and emotions are excellent.

Love the different angle on the Bible story.
06/03/08
It's always interesting to see things from a different angle and perspective. You've painted this gruesome scene very well in giving the story a tuck at the heart. I'm really glad to be reading more Bible related stories in the Challenge after so much of fiction.
06/04/08
Great POV--I thought some people might go with the John/Jesus angle, but this never would have occurred to me.

I wish there were a bit more characterization here, and more of a suggestion of the horror of Abdon's discovery. It's a great idea, but I didn't entirely "feel" it.

Creative? Yes, wildly out the box. I'm having a blast watching you grow as a writer.
I really like reading well-known accounts with differing POV's...it helps me see things from an other's perspective and grow. This was very creative in the approach to the subject and well-written as a story. I liked the ending, but was looking for more of a "punch" to bring it all to a conclusion. Your title, by the way, sums up your story beautifully.
06/04/08
Love the royal touch here. It's a new POV for this old story and you made it realistic with the details in between. Nice job. ^_^
This was so good. I love the way you told this story and especially how you ended it with a question. Well done my faithwriter friend.
06/04/08
Great story Josh.. out of the box yet again. You should take all the suggestions and rewrite it for general submission. An exercise to help you learn and continue to improve! I look forward to reading your stories every week!
06/04/08
Incredibly well done. You are consistently creative in thinking outside the box. The servant's perspective was imaginative . The only thing I would suggest changing (with hesitation because your writing skills are much more superior than mine) would be the paragraph where it was stated that John's life was foretold by the prophets. You state things in this paragraph as fact when, in the tense and voice you are using, it would have been speculation. You might want to tweak that just a bit. However, you did go on to speculate in the next paragraph. Again, an excellent piece. Great dialogue. Your mastery of the written language is above average.
I always enjoy your creative writing and this didn't disappoint. Great job!
06/05/08
Excellent work, brother! I thought the details of the platter and lid and the details of John's head were exceptionally well done.

The question at the end was a great finish!

Well done brother, well done!