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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Christmas Cooking/Baking (not recipes) (10/16/08)

TITLE: Baked Goods Have Feelings Too!
By Joshua Janoski
10/21/08


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The jar’s lid slipped back like a manhole cover. Two green hands reached over the top, gripping the jar’s rim. Chip pulled himself up and jumped over the edge of the vessel onto the counter below. He landed on his stomach, causing a semi-sweet morsel to drop off his round chest.

“Rats! I’m getting old and starting to crumble. You coming, Keebler?”

Another round figure, with fuzzy green arms and legs, emerged from the jar and slid down to the counter below.

“Wow! I’ve never been on the outside before! This is cool!” Keebler’s big eyes were overshadowed only by the giant rainbow colored chips that adorned his chest.

“It was only a matter of time before you grew limbs, too. Ever since the kid grew up and quit dipping into the jar and his mom decided to listen to Dr. Atkins, we haven’t been touched. Of course, that’s better than getting crunched up or drowned in that white liquid they drink. At least I am able to help the others escape.”
Chip tiptoed towards the toaster. “Be quiet. We make too much noise, and before you know it, we will be in the trash with the other spoiled leftovers.” Chip signaled for Keebler to follow him.

“What’s that horrible smell?” Keebler asked while standing next to the toaster. “It’s coming from those slots on the top of this contraption we are standing by.”

Pop-Tart Genocide, Chip thought to himself. The kid is too young to understand. I’ll tell him when he’s older.

“Uh, it’s nothing, Son. Let’s keep moving. I heard some screams by the sink. Let’s go!”

The two ran over to the left side of the sink. Across the way, there was a metal sheet lying on the counter. Screams erupted from the sheet.

“We have to get over there. Don’t get yourself wet as you cross,” Chip said while jumping into a bowl of dried out ramen noodles. Keebler followed behind his mentor and climbed over into the right side of the sink. He slipped and nearly fell into the garbage disposal, but Chip quickly grabbed hold of him, and the two climbed out of the sink and approached the metal sheet.

“Oh no! It’s that time of year again.” Chip said while shaking his head in disgust.

“What’s wrong, Boss?” Keebler asked.

“Every year during December, the giants clone hundreds of these little brown men and then ship them off in baskets to all their giant friends. The little men then get tortured and eaten by the brutes. I didn’t want to break the news to you like this, but I had no choice.”

Before Keebler could respond, one of the brown men let out a scream.

“Ouch! I can’t get up! My butt is stuck!” the little brown man yelled, his frosted eyes bulging in pain.

“Those monsters forgot to use the non-stick spray on this one!” Chip jumped back into the sink and grabbed a butter knife. He handed it up to Keebler.

“Carefully pry his backside from the metal, Keebler,” Chip ordered.

Keebler hesitantly stuck the knife under the man’s behind and lifted up.
“AAAAAGHHH! My buns!” the little man screamed as he jumped up. Looking down, he saw remnants of his tush stuck to the sheet.

“Relax, they will heal. Step into the freezer for a minute and sit on some ice cubes.” Chip turned his attention to a groaning man lying on the metal sheet. The man was charred black and missing an arm. He had a crooked smile and only one eye.

“We got a code 43 burn victim, and it looks like they let the 4-year-old give him his body parts. This guy won’t make it if we don’t hurry. Come on, Keebler. Let’s carry him back to the jar!”

Keebler and Chip grabbed the man and began to run. As they headed home, the countertop began to shake. Chip looked back to see the cause of the tremors.

“IT’S FRUITCAKE! RUN!”

The two frantically ran back to the jar while trying to avoid dropping their patient. Fruitcake jumped after Chip and Keebler, leaving behind craters as his rock hard body slammed against the countertop. Chip and Keebler hoisted their victim into the jar and quickly climbed in and shut the lid. Fruitcake bounced off the jar and landed on the floor with a loud “THUMP!”

“That was close!” Chip said while wrapping the victim’s wounds with licorice pieces.

“Get some rest tonight, Kid…Tomorrow we free the fudge.”


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This article has been read 594 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Leah Nichols 10/23/08
Ridiculous fun! A very creative entry....and I'm pretty sure I know who wrote this....
Seema Bagai 10/23/08
I'm laughing out loud. Great job.
Lyn Churchyard10/26/08
Pop-Tart Genocide LOL what a hoot!

A very creative entry - I think I know who wrote it too.

Keebler and Chip had better be quick if they want to rescue the fudge, I just love homemade fudge.


Celeste Ammirata10/27/08
This is great! I love the imagery of the cookies, and especially of the fruitcake. What a funny, creative take on the topic.
Sharlyn Guthrie10/27/08
What an imagination! This is hilarious.
Debbie Roome 10/27/08
I love this - so out of the box or should I say the cookie jar! Only thing is I'm going to feel guilty when I next eat a gingerbread man...
Beth LaBuff 10/27/08
You are sooo creative, (not to mention hilarious)! Love the image of "a semi-sweet morsel to drop off his round chest." LOL …just one question… how old is the fruitcake in your story? :) This is super fun to read, Josh!
Karlene Jacobsen 10/27/08
LOL!! I began to write a story similar to this. I'm glad I didn't, you did an incredible job. I could see the cookies in their rescue mission. YOu captivated me.
Kelly Jacobsen10/27/08
This is awesome!! So not like many others!! LOLOLOLOOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLO
Angela M. Baker-Bridge10/27/08
This was like a sweet episode of the Twilight Zone...as always, entertainingly original :) Angel
Pamela Kliewer10/27/08
Hilarious!! Josh, you nailed it with the humor again... Kudos
Catrina Bradley 10/27/08
Oh the creativity! Hilarious good fun. Each paragraph delights anew - it keeps getting better as the comedy and the action pick up steam. Love it!
Kristen Hester10/27/08
You get an "A" on creativity. You really know how to think outside the box...or jar! My only teeny, tiny personal thought: I kept wanting Keebler to be the boss and Chip to be on the one learning. Chip seems like a younger name to me (Maybe I'm thinking "chip off the ol' block??) Good job.
Betty Castleberry10/27/08
This is off the charts creative. I chuckled out loud more than once.

The last line is priceless. Thumbs up.
Verna Cole Mitchell 10/28/08
Thanks for the reminder to use the nonstick spray--sure don't want to hurt any little sensitive brown men! Clever, as usual!
Scott Sheets10/28/08
Great Job! The 'fuzzy green arms and legs' and the 'poptart genocide' are just a few classic lines for this piece. Thanks for the laugh!
Marlene Austin10/29/08
Your unending humor is fantastic, Josh. God has richly gifted you. Thanks for sharing. :)
Marijo Phelps10/29/08
What a perspective and the humor - loved every bite! VERY creative and unique perspective. Thanks!
Yvonne Blake 10/29/08
Ha, ha, ha!!!! You sound like a little boy playing with his food....love the dialogue. I won't eat another gingerbread man again without thinking about this story.

BTW...thanks for reading and commenting. You are a great encourager!
Joanne Sher 10/29/08
You are NUTS, Josh -absolutely NUTS. I KNOW you had a blast writing this. You are absolutely a master at this humor. Wonderful.
Karlene Jacobsen 10/29/08
I must say it again, THIS IS FUN!
I loved it!
LauraLee Shaw10/29/08
Oh. my. gooooooooooodness.

You are the creative cookie, aren't you? Wow, this game me the perfect end to a long day. Thank you for using your gifts to uplift and refresh. And to spew liquids onto laptops.
CJ Raney11/01/08
Very creative and funny. Thanks for making me laugh.
Sherry Castelluccio 11/02/08
I thought I'd check the results before I head off to church. Congrats on making the top ten again. This was so much fun. I hope I don't feel too much guilt the next time I start my holiday baking. Poor little guys. (giggle)