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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Winter (11/14/05)
Emily reluctantly slipped back into consciousness as demanding cries invaded her short-lived attempt at sleep. She tugged the electric blanket around her tightly and buried her face deeper into her pillow. Kyle continued to snore, oblivious to the nocturnal happenings of his household.

The cries continued.

With a huff, Emily tossed off the electric blanket and threw her husband a dirty look. Would it kill you to get up just once? I seem to remember you having plenty of involvement creating the little darling. She swung her feet over the edge of the bed and recoiled as her foot missed her slipper and touched the chilly hardwood floor. She grabbed her robe and wrapped it haphazardly about herself.

The cries intensified.

I’m coming. I’m coming. It’s not like you’re gonna starve if you go more than an hour without my nipple in your mouth. Or should I say what’s left of my nipple after the way you’ve been gnawing at it.

Dylan’s little face was flushed and wet with a mixture of mucous and tears. You’re so disgusting. I guess I have to clean you up like I do everything else around here. Emily swiped at his nose belligerently with the sleeve of her robe as she took their usual spot in the over sized rocker to feed him.

She turned her attention to the frosty window. Great. More snow. Guess I’m not going anywhere for another few days. The snow flurry outside created a physical prison, which deepened her emotional prison as well. Shortened amounts of daylight hours, mingled with chaotic sleep patterns, left Emily’s thoughts fragmented and distorted. Her love for Dylan was becoming frozen, buried in a blizzard of hormonally charged psychosis.

Emily glared at her son as he grew restless. I told Kyle I shouldn’t eat broccoli for dinner. Where’s mister know it all now that you’re gassy—oh that’s right, he’s back in his warm bed, like I should be.

Dylan began crying again.

Is that all you know how to do? One peaceful night. Is that too much to ask? She rocked the chair faster, futilely trying to quiet him. Dementia drove out the final remnants of maternal instinct. I could always put you outside in the snow. Then I wouldn’t have to hear your noise anymore. I could lay you down and step back, watching as you scream your little heart out. You’d grow colder and colder with out the blanket I’d hold in my arms. You’d turn blue or maybe purplish until your temperature dropped low enough. Your last breath would come as your blood turned to ice in your tiny little veins. You might let out one last pathetic cry, but then I’d win. No more noise. Just peace and quiet. Sleep. Ahhh. Night after night of uninterrupted--

What am I thinking! That wasn’t me! I don’t hate my baby! God help me, it’s getting worse. I don’t want to do those horrible things. Please, help me God! I’m just so tired and frustrated.

“Hold still!” Her arms strained to hold Dylan as he writhed with the gas pains. He bit down hard and arched his back, pulling away while still securely latched on. Emily shoved him away reflexively, sending him flailing to her feet. She clutched her aching breast, but then realized what she’d done.

He wasn’t crying anymore.

“Dylan! Dylan, baby I’m sorry! Mommy didn’t mean to hurt you!” Emily’s heart raced as she frantically picked him up. He was stiff and his mouth was turning blue. “God, please let him be okay.” Dylan’s color returned and his chest finally heaved as he released the breath he’d been holding.

He cried hard.

It was the sweetest sound Emily had ever heard

“Everything okay Em?” Kyle stood at the door staring at his wife still clutching Dylan. “I thought I heard you screaming.”

“Everything’s fine now. I’ll talk to you about it in the morning.”

Kyle wondered off to bed and Emily took her place in the rocker once again. This time she reached over and turned on the radio; the cool winter night filled with worship music.

As they rocked together, she stared down at her precious little leach and began to sing along with the radio. Tears flooded her eyes and flowed down her cheeks, dripping onto her melted heart. The blizzard was over.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
11/21/05
A terrifying and realistically-portrayed picture of post-partum depression. I'd like to see this expanded; it seemed unrealistic to me that listening to a few minutes of praise music could cancel all her emotional upheaval. (I realize that you were writing with a word limit.) You're a gifted writer; this was hard to read, which means you did it well.
Nina Phillips
11/22/05
I was wondering where she was heading the whole time--I was holding my breath too. Scary..but so realistic. God bless ya, littlelight
terri tiffany
11/22/05
Very realistic writing! I was her one night..(sort of) it was the only night my husband woke up and offered to help..:) You accurately described the depths post partum depression can bring to a woman.Very nice writing.
Marilyn Schnepp 
11/22/05
:I guess this story made an impact more - because of the News stories that we have heard as of late; but it was well written, described things as "they really are" and yes, I was worried what was next?! So kept your readers glued! That's what writing is all about, capturing your audience and keeping them. Very nicely done.
Brandi Roberts
11/25/05
Honestly, I didn't like this one. Not because it wasn't well-written or because it didn't hold my attention; it was and it did. Though the end of it was a happy one, it still made me sick to my stomach. But I'm one in...however many read this. Like I said, it was very well written, held my attention right through til the end, and evoked emotion in the reader which is the hope of all writers is it not? Great job!
Shari Armstrong 
11/25/05
I almost held my breath reading this! Having gone through those sleepless nights, I'm so thankful I never experienced that darkness that so many mom's seem to go through. Well done!
Laurie Glass 
11/25/05
You certainly held my attention all the way through. You did a great job with a disturbing yet realistic subject. You do so well every week.
Julianne Jones
11/25/05
This was probably one of the hardest entries I've read so far because it was so REAL! I alternated between fear and hope, disgust (esp for the hubby!) and empathy. As others have said, you've captured the emotions and despair well. Great writing.
Pat Guy
11/25/05
This is sooo difficult to read! Yet it demands attention and should be considered for submission somewhere to help someone see in print what they are feeling inside. May I please suggest a follow up on Jan's comment? Although one horrible incident, and telling her husband she would talk to him in the morning would not prevent further episodes, at least it's a good beginning. Maybe you could indicate somehow. I feel it's worth expanding and can be a tremendous help ais for those experiencing this.
Debbie Sickler
11/25/05
Thank you everybody for all of the wonderful comments on my entry and not so wonderful (sorry Jezz, didn't mean to make anyone feel sick! :) )

A few have commented on the ending now, so I thought I'd let future readers know that I originally had the end slightly different. Somewhere towards the last paragraph I had written that now Emily knew she needed to get help before it was too late, but cut the sentence for the word count.

If I do ever submit this somewhere, I guess I'll need to include that again!

Thanks again for the critiques, keep them coming!

;)
Amy Michelle Wiley 
11/25/05
Wow, that was powerful. Not an enjoyable read ;-), but one that could, perhaps, help a lot of poeple. :-) Well done!
Garnet Miller 
11/26/05
It's hard to care for a child when it seems like you are doing it all alone. Lack of sleep combined with post partum depression can make for a volatile combination that only God can control. Very compelling story!
Helen Harris
11/26/05
This was a scary read for me; had me glued to my seat. If I had strong feeling for my baby like that; I would know I needed professional help. Your new ending is much better. God Bless, Helen
Helen Harris
11/26/05
"she stared down at her precious little leach" Oh no?
Anyway your writing got many emotions, got to be Good writing.
Jeffrey Snell
11/27/05
Wow, Deb! Awesome...gripping. My wife and I've had our share of those nights. Vivid writing of the repulsive thoughts that can pop into our heads when we're listening to the evil one pushing us to focus on ourselves. Nice release at the end, too. Good job!
Anita Neuman
11/28/05
Wow, Debbie, that was some amazing writing! I love the line about her love becoming frozen - that shows that she does love him, and it shows that the depression is a growing thing. Great job!
terri tiffany
11/28/05
Congrats Deb on your win! This was great writing!
B Brenton
11/28/05
Ohhhh... As if I wasn't already uh... concerned to have children enough as it is. Although, it specifically says "Children are a blessing" this was oh, so very real. Oh, so very good.
It wasn't difficult to read at all! This was captivating!
Sherry Hoffcastel 
11/28/05
I can honestly say that I do understand in every way and could not have written it better myself. It's very frightening when the hormones are on overdrive. While disturbing, it reached me because I have been there too. Great job.
Carla Feagans
11/29/05
I too would expand this, the ending especially, and maybe pair it with some info about what to do if you suffer from post-partum depression.

Thank you for being so honest with this - these are thoughts that those of us who have had them are afraid to admit. I struggled with this myself, and it wasn't until my kids were older that I finally got some help. I never did anything, they are fine and healthy and very loved, but I felt like there was something very wrong with me. I wish someone had told me that even moms with one kid could feel this way (I have triplets).

I urge you to share this with parenting magazines, particulary those geared toward twins or more. I suffered way too long and wish I'd read something like this to know I wasn't alone, and what exactly I was going through.

Great job!
Suzanne R
11/29/05
This was very disturbing and very well written! Disturbing in the graphicness of the subject matter but that doesn't mean it wasn't good - it was really excellent. I strongly echo the suggestion of changing the ending back, maybe putting in a box (separate to the piece) about medical facts - signs of post-natal depression, help lines, the importance of seeing your doctor, what they'd do to help etc etc, and then sending it off to several magazines geared towards women or families.

Congratulations on your win - it is well deserved.
Karen Treharne
11/30/05
Wonderful story Deb, full of heart and emotion. I can't imagine how terrible it would be to have feelings of hate toward one of my babies. It is rather a too-common problem, however, and you touched on the reality of all the conflicting emotions. I agree with all the others that this should be submitted. God bless you as you continue writing, and congratulations on your well-deserved recognition for this fine piece.
Kyle Chezum
12/17/05
The story wasn't difficult to read at all! A powerful message, and very well written. Good job! :-)