The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/30/09
Very enjoyable. Your writing moved the reader along at a perfect pace. Loved the gentle voice of the MC and the love he had for his mail bride was apparent throughout. Good job.
01/31/09
Love the images in the last paragraph--quite lovely and serene.

I wonder if this may have been too much story for a 750-word Challenge. Since so much time passed, you had to summarize a lot of their lives, and that resulted in some "telling, not showing". I'd have been interested in almost any one paragraph, expanded to a full story, and with more dialogue and characterization.

And these are certainly characters well worth getting to know! I was very interested in their romance.
You covered a lot of ground here and could probably expand a great deal too. It must have been tough to fit it all into the 750 word constraint.