Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Uncles/Aunts (04/17/08)

TITLE: A Monkey's an Uncle
By Betsy Markman
04/18/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Matoke finished his third somersault and came to rest in his favorite observation spot. He grabbed a palm branch and waved it a bit, but he didn’t really pay attention to its playful motion. He felt much more interested in The Vipara.

The Vipara came every day. At first they had frightened him, because they often bared their teeth when they looked at him, and sometimes they would jut their forelimbs right in his direction when they did so. It used to make him hide behind his mother, but he was older and braver now. Now he understood that the Transparent Hardness separated him from them. Sometimes he even dared to go right up close to the Transparent Hardness and put his hand on its cool surface, or even to rap on it. The Vipara always rapped back from their side.

Those hairless apes-that-weren’t-apes fascinated him, but Matoke couldn’t sit still for long. Life promised far more fun than he could ever find while plopped on his bottom in the dirt, so he grabbed a thick vine and swung on it. But he never really stopped watching them, even if only out of the corner of his eye. Perhaps he was crazy, but he couldn’t help thinking that THEY actually enjoyed watching HIM.

His preoccupation with them almost cost him, though. He didn’t see the ball of energy hurtling toward him until his arch rival was nearly on top of him.

Matoke leapt off of his vine with a scream. He slapped the ground hard a few times, then threw fistfuls of leaves up in the air.

Kuchekesha had claimed the vine as soon as Matoke abandoned it, and now he grimaced and wagged his head at Matoke’s tantrum.

Matoke screamed again, slapped harder, and threw even more leaves. “Come and get me, Kuchekesha!”

His rival could only take so many challenges. He flung himself down and charged Matoke, barreling into him with a force that sent them both tumbling. They wrestled for a few moments until a flea started to chew on Matoke’s back. He couldn’t reach it, so Kuchekesha found it and ate it for him.

On the other side of the Transparent Hardness, the Vipara made their funny throat sounds and bared their teeth and jutted their forelimbs.

“Why do you think they come and stare at us?” Kuchekesha asked.

“I think they need to learn from us,” Matoke replied. “Babu says they aren’t very smart.” Matoke spotted a flea on his friend’s shoulder and went after it. “What do you suppose happened to all their hair?”

“Why don’t you ask Babu?”

“Why don’t YOU ask Babu? How come you never talk to him?”

“I think he’s a little crazy, but don’t you dare ever tell him I said that!”

“You’re afraid of him!” Matoke taunted.

“Am not!”

“Oh yeah? Then let’s see who gets the closest to him.” Matoke took off running foot-and-knuckle across the ground toward the motionless patriarch in the corner. But despite his bravado, he couldn’t help slowing to a very tentative pace when he got close. Even though he’d talked to Babu before, he wasn’t about to presume upon his good graces.

Kuchekesha followed him, but stayed back a few paces.

Matoke offered his best submissive postures and faces, and finally offered to remove a tick from the old silverback. Babu didn’t reject him, so he dared to speak.

“Babu, I know you have studied the Vipara for all the many years of your life. What do you think happened to their hair?”

“I don’t know.”

Kuchekesha spoke up from behind. “Matoke says you don’t think the Vipara are very smart. Why not?

Babu actually seemed amused. “The others will tell you I’m crazy, but I swear that I have learned to understand much of what they say with their mouths.”

“You think they’re actually communicating?” Matoke asked, wide-eyed.

“Absolutely. And here’s how I know they’re not very smart.” Babu turned to look full at Matoke with a twinkle in his eye.

“They think we’re their uncles!”

Matoke and Kuchekesha howled and rolled with laughter before scampering off to play some tag.

“Do you think Babu’s right?” Kuchekesha asked.

“Well, if he’s wrong, then he’s crazy. If he’s right, then the Vipara are crazy!”

The two playmates charged across boughs and branches, laughing and shouting “Uncle, uncle!”

On the other side of the Transparent Hardness, the Vipara bared their teeth, jutted their forelimbs, and made those funny noises in their throats.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 769 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Debbie Wistrom04/24/08
I thought of the Monkey's Uncle angle and now I am so glad didn't do it. This is so cute and so well done. Loved all the activity and the cleaning. I'm still smiling.
Beth LaBuff 04/24/08
I love your title's play on words! Your "transparent hardness," "hairless ape," and "running foot-and-knuckle" terms are great :). I could see your monkey antics as you described them. I said a silent, "ewww" to the "until a flea…Kucheskha found it and ate it for him" comment. :) Then there's "Babu" a real monkey's uncle -- how funny! Your lesson is excellent! I love it. Your creativity with this is exceptional.
Jan Ackerson 04/28/08
Superb satire!

I didn't quite understand your rules for the monkeys' language. They had words for lots of things--fleas, vines--and they had proper nouns and even words for concepts like communication. So why did they call glass "Transparent Hardness?" Thinking about that distracted me a bit.

But that's just how weird I am. I was enjoying this a lot just as a monkey story, but when the asatire became evident at the last thrid or so, I sat up and said "Yes!"
Betsy Markman04/28/08
Good questions, Jan!
I chose to give them words for things that would be found normally in nature, and to have them lacking words for things that are man made.
As for the names that I used, they were taken from a Swahili-English dictionary. I figured that African names were fitting. "Matoke" means "Banana." "Kuchekesha" means "Funny." "Babu" means "Grandfather." And "Vipara" (the hairless humans) means "Bald!"
Thanks to everyone for their comments!
Sharlyn Guthrie04/28/08
This is such a fun read. I love the ending. Your message comes through loud and clear with just the right touch of humor.
Chely Roach04/28/08
Ahhh! I loved this. Loved the end. Loved it all. Heehee!
Sheri Gordon04/28/08
Very clever, and so fun to read. Great job with the topic.
Willena Flewelling 04/29/08
I really enjoyed this. I got the "transparent hardness" part right off, but not the "Vipara"! I didn't catch on till toward the end. Very well done!
Lynda Schultz 04/29/08
Would the monkeys want us to be related? I think not!

Cute story. It kept me engaged right to the end. I loved the details especially the picking and eating the fleas and ticks!
Tessy Fuller04/29/08
A very clever piece, and a very good read. You did very well showing how the monkeys view us baring our teeth and the funny noises in our throats. Very creative!
Carole Robishaw 04/30/08
I really enjoyed this one, great twist. You did a good job!