The Official Writing Challenge
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Thank you for a breathtaking excursion through your exotic dreamscape. Exquisite . . .
Thank you for a breathtaking excursion through your exotic dreamscape. Exquisite . . .
I think you did a nice job of capturing your exotic dream vacation. It's definitely on topic.It sounds like a place I copuld only ever imagine seeing in the movies.

The only red ink I have is to try and pull the reader into the story so she can feel your emotions too. For example, take the earthquake scene, although this may not be accurate, I hope it shows you what I mean by pulling the reader in: After an exhausting day, I climbed into the whirlpool and propped my feet up on the edge. Suddenly, the water splashed on my face as the tub shook. My heart pounding, I gripped the edges and held on. I couldn't believe I had just experienced my first earthquake.

Hopefully, you can see the point I'm trying to make. I tried to not only create a picture for the reader but added emotions and reactions. I'm not saying your way is wrong, but more trying to show you another way to tell this fabulous adventure.

I liked how you started with learning about the place in school and spent years dreaming about seeing it in person. It shows that dreams can come true. It also made me want to put it on my list of destinations (after Alaska, Ireland, and the Galapagos Islands, but your description put it right up near the top of my list.)

It seemed like you had a wonderful trip and I appreciate you sharing it with me. I think you should place this article among your mementos from the trip so that you'll be able to share this piece with family and friends years from now. Good job.
Wow - I was right there with you...beautiful job.

God bless~
Congratulations on placing 6th in your level! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards)