The Official Writing Challenge
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I enjoyed this. I think you have a wonderful sense of humor and you had me smiling throughout as I read.

It almost feels if you're trying too hard though. You have a wonderful message in the end, but it could get lost in your big words and purple prose. I'd hate to think someone felt overwhelmed by that and missed out on your divine message.

Sometimes simple descriptions and common words can help the reader relate more. For example your first line is beautiful, almost poetic, but it doesn't really tell me what your story is going to be about. For me, the second paragraph drew me in more and I looked forward to reading about how your feisty Gram influenced your life. I think you tried to pack too much into only 750 words. I used to try to fit too many things in when I first joined FW and have learned that it's better to focus on just one or maybe two ideas and bring them together with the message.

The ending is quite profound and really has a powerful message. In the end, shiny things are just things and cannot compare to the majesty of the love Jesus has for us. I think you have a delightful sense of humor and your words are filled with energy and passion.

As I read this a second time to make sure I capture all you were trying to say, one part about the peacock and the parakeet really tugged on my heart. Oh, how foolish we humans (and apparently birds :)) can be. We long to be beautiful on the outside, or to be noticed by others, yet it isn't how exotic we may be that will make a difference--instead the words coming from our mouths and hearts are what will draw another to the ultimate beauty--Jesus. Beautiful messages in this piece.
08/20/13
I thought this was great! I loved your descriptions and analogies and the whole thing. Wonderful message too!

Thanks. God bless~
08/21/13
Beautifully written with humor, wildly descriptive and interesting.

I enjoyed your entry very much.