The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/17/12
This would make a "good novel" - the transition of Mary. I hope the MC opens that "beauty shop" her hubby has made "ready" for Mary.

Nice job with this. God bless~
I really enjoyed this story. Your MC is someone I could relate to easily. I often fear I'm not good enough either.

My only suggestion would be to do some more showing. For example instead of telling us she enjoyed her job show us with something like Mary started her workday with a quick prayer of thanksgiving then she greeted each customer with a smile and a cup of coffee. It's a little thing but can help the reader feel connected with the MC.

I loved the ending. I thought it was brilliant how she stood up for herself while still being polite. What a wonderful example. You also did a great job of covering the topic in a unique and interesting way.