The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
10/11/05
That worked almost as an introduction to a much longer look at marriage and what sometimes goes wrong.
10/11/05
A few picky details first: if her wedding is two weeks away, those flowers are going to be in sad, sad shape by then (unless you make it clear that they are artificial flowers). Also, instead of "...you could see the sparkle in her eyes..." use "...I could see..." (it's best to avoid 2nd person voice). I very much appreciated the grace with which your narrator wished the hairdresser well, and the fact that she is trying hard not to be bitter. Although God is not mentioned, He is implied in the narrator's efforts to be gracious. Thank you.
A little short - would have liked more background parallels between the narrator and the bride-to-be hairdresser - this felt as though something was being 'held back' from the reader. Lots of promise in this - perhaps work it up for an article submission. God bless.