The Official Writing Challenge
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While a little proof reading could be used on this story, it is well done. I like how you contrasted Helen's life with Jasmines, with the wild flowers and the cultivated ones (Helen being a wild flower herself, while Jasmine was a cultivated one). Good story.
I liked this story and I do want to know what happened at Jasmines bedside that day. Great title too!
I liked your story very much. You contrasted the characters of the two children very well. They were alive to me. I think you could actually develop a bedroom scene between them quite poignantly and still finish with the flowers in the garden. The story is worth it. Good work.
10/11/05
Isn't it good to know that there are no dirty flowers in God's eyes? The contrast between the two girls is well done. I'm glad that Helen's character didn't let Jasmine intimidate her. Thanks for sharing.
10/11/05
This is a precious story which practically begs to be illustrated and made into a storybook. I really liked Helen's "uneducated" voice, and would have liked to read more of that (even, perhaps, in the voice in her head). A small amount of editing (inconsistent verb tenses especially) would make this an outstanding story. Thank you.
I too would have liked to hear more about the conversation at the bedside; otherwise a good piece.
I love the contrast between the 2 girls; editing needs aside this is a lovely story and would really liked to see the worked up into a fuller length piece. I would really like to see the developement of the relationship between these characters. God bless.