The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sport or Fitness (02/15/07)
“Ok, Aaron, let’s try it.” Karate class was a highlight of my week. I loved learning new things and since we’d started, my joints had regained the range of motion I had begun to lose.

My 14 year old son eyed me skeptically. “Do you remember what to do?”

“Yeah, I do. Here I’ll show you.” I lined myself up so that we’d be sure to land on the mat and not the concrete floor. “OK, now, you act like you’re grabbing me from behind. There, that’s right. Now, let’s see...”

In my mind I replayed the instructions, ‘simply get your feet spread farther apart than his are.’ So, I got my legs spread, reached between them, grabbed one of Aaron’s and… completely forgot the next thing to do.

“Umm, Aaron? Do you remember what I’m supposed to do now?”

“Hunh-uh” he mumbled against my back as we were both bent over almost double.

Just then Jeff, our instructor, jumped in, “That’s right. Now just hold on tight and roll on this shoulder.” He tapped the opposite shoulder of the leg I was holding on to.

“Just roll?” I hedged with last minute jitters as I tried to lift my head and look at him.

Jeff rolled his eyes. “Yes, just roll.”

He reached over, grabbed my belt and gave me a very gentle tug in the right direction. Being the compliant person that I am, I rolled.

“Oooofff.” Somehow I had managed to throw Aaron on my face. Yes, my face.

When I finally uncrossed my eyes Jeff was above me and I was flat on my back, clutching Aaron’s leg. “You ok?” He brushed Aaron’s legs off my face and helped me find my glasses. Now, usually we’re pretty good when it comes to remembering glasses, but no one thought of them this time and mine were splayed across my chin.

Aaron’s face appeared above me. “Mom? Are you ok? I’m sorry, Mom! Are you hurt?” The poor boy was in a panic, remembering the last time I threw someone on myself—it took me weeks to recover from that, but then, that guy weighed 125 pounds more than Aaron.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” I sat up, supposedly to try fixing my glasses, but mostly so I could hide my face. Talk about being embarrassed!

Jeff, seeing I was just fine, didn’t worry about my feelings. He enjoyed a good laugh, then, to my horror said, “Good, now do it again!” Sometimes I swear the man is crazy!

“Again?!”

“Of course again! You can’t expect to do something perfectly the first time. It takes practice; doing it again and again and again. If you want to be good at something it takes diligence; not giving up the first time just because you get flattened. You’ll probably get flattened a few more times tonight before you get the hang of this, but better in here on the mats than out there on concrete or gravel. This time turn your face away.” He took my reshaped glasses from my hands and waved us back into position.

We did the throw again and again, taking turns throwing each other, and finally remembered to turn our faces away. Jeff was right. We got flattened a few more times each, but because we didn’t give up we eventually got the hang of it.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 1605 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
02/23/07
Lots of witty bits here--I was quite tickled by your narrator's voice.

The last paragraph fizzled a bit for me...

...but this was a delightful read, and an easy-to-digest lesson in perseverance. Great fun!
Jacquelyn Horne
02/24/07
I truly enjoyed this. Liked the surprise that it was his mother and not his father telling this. Neat! Good writing.
Betty Castleberry
02/24/07
This sounds like it might have been written from personal experience. It's clever and a fun read. Nicely done.
Joanney Uthe 
02/24/07
Great story. Your reference to the other guy being 125 lbs more than your son created unanswered questions in my mind. Great lesson from Jeff.
Allison Egley 
02/24/07
Hehe This was so cute! My favorite line was, "Being the compliant person that I am, I rolled." That was great.

I think I agree with Jan. The last paragraph didn't have a "punch" to it.

Great story over all. Keep writing!
Joanne Sher 
02/25/07
Great description and detail throughout - you really tossed us into the middle of the action with you! (I think you broke my glasses! LOL) Enjoyed this very much.
Sara Harricharan
02/27/07
This was fun! I liked the title and the touch of the glasses. Very cute, I especially like the martial arts angle. ^_^
TJ Nickel
02/28/07
I liked the structure of the story and the relationship and lesson. I was looking for the lesson to become something for the son in some other specific situation in life. It's good as is, but with more than 750 words allowed, has even more potential.
Loren T. Lowery
03/01/07
I agree with a lot of the previous comments, I think if you put on your "creative visors" you would come up with a much more rounded and fullfilling story. It's okay to s-t-r-e-t-c-h the truth of a true-to-life story to give it more punch.

You have the talent - keep writing!
Jen Davis
03/01/07
I really enjoyed this. This story comes across as very true to life and that’s what I like about it. I liked Jeff’s coach-like attitude, the son’s initial concern and then laughing at his mother, and the mother’s determined spirit. I found it interesting that Tom was looking for the message directed toward the son while I thought it should be more about the mother since she is telling the story. Good message and well-written too!