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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Editor (05/27/10)
"Beep, beep, beep, engine eight, twenty-one and forty-two explosion at Fairview Church at one-eighteen Little Road," went the scanner.

"Hey Sally, get out there," screamed Lou, the editor for "The Christian Journal."

"Yes sir," said Sally a reporter, for the newspaper, as she threw he note pad in her purse. She zipped up her purse and walked over to Lou's desk to get further instructions.

Lou looked up from his computer, "I want not just a story about what happened but, I also want to do a story on how their faith sustained them. The most important thing is you need to do, is pray with people from the church after the interview. If you feel the Lord leading you to do so."

"Good thinking," said Sally as she straightened her hair then walked out.

*****************************
Sally got back and wrote her story. She e-mailed it to Lou and went over to his desk as he looked at it.

"Hmmm, you did a good job," as Lou read through the story.

Sally was stood at Lou's desk and gave a big smile, "Thank you."

Ed moved his mouse, "The part about the fireman was really interesting. Especially how he accepted the Lord because of the pastor's faith."

Sally put her hand on her chin as if she was in thought, "I think my praying with the pastor, and a few of the members was one of the things that made the difference."

"Oh really," as Lou looked up from his computer at Sally.

"I noticed fireman's eye's light up when asked everyone to get into a group to pray. Your suggestion you made caused someone to find the Lord. It was the Christian witness that done it."

"Praise the Lord!" Said Lou.

Lou opened his Bible that was by his keyboard "I want to add the verse from Hebrews where is says that you will never leave me or forsake me, if you don't mind."

Sally smiled, "Wow that would be great."

It ended being such a good story that Sally won an award with the Christian newspaper organization.
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This article has been read 704 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Nancy Sullivan 
06/03/10
Nice story, but made need a little editing. One rule I've heard about commas: "When in doubt, leave it out." Good job, though.
Dusti (Bramlage) Zarse
06/04/10
I liked that you put descriptions of characters' actions with the dialogue to signal who is talking rather than always putting "he said" or "she said." It makes the story so much more interesting. Good job on that! Cute story! Keep writing, writing, writing!
Jan Ackerson
06/04/10
A reporter's life must be so exciting!

As your previoius commenter mentioned, tagging your dialog with action is a great way to do it. Be certain that you punctuate them properly, though...

Sally was stood at Lou's desk and gave a big smile, "Thank you."

Ed moved his mouse, "The part about the fireman was really interesting. Especially how he accepted the Lord because of the pastor's faith."

In each of the examples above (and throughout your story), the commas should be periods.

Your editor reminded me of the old Lou Grant--what a great character!

Phee Paradise
06/08/10
Wouldn't it be great if all editors were Christians and were more concerned about the people in the stories than the stories themselves?

What I liked best about your story was the way you showed the actions of your characters (Sally zipping her purse and straightening her hair). That grounded the story in reality for me.