The Official Writing Challenge
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Absolutely loved this! Very original using the Book Store as the topic title. Thought your dialogue was good too. I would really like to see this continue! Also...I'm ashamed to admit this, but have never read the Cross and the Switchblade and now I will. You shouldn't be in beginners very long! Great Job...really!!
Gripping story. Excellent.
Very good story which clipped right along. A little polish on grammar, punctuation, etc. and you'll do fine!
04/29/10
What a joy to read! I liked your clever and original tie in to the subject The Writers' Craft, loved the story, the dialogue, and excellent presentation of your main character.

In paragraph 8, "He didn't even want anyone to see him go there" If you take out 'even' your sentence becomes stronger. And I think there was a missing 'the' in a later sentence. But these are microscopic issues, and I thought this piece was fantastic.

Moved me to tears!
04/30/10
A very interesting plot! You need to develop it farther into a longer story.
This is a very powerful and emotional story. You have several spots that need editing, but nothing can take away from the suspenseful storyline. I found myself on the edge of my chair. I also wondered why a teacher wouldn't reprimand a student for cussing, but then she was an angel and had more important matters to tend to.
04/30/10

This was an amazing story!

As was already suggested, I would like to see this story
continued. The cross and the switchblade is an awesomwe book, I have met the Author, this being his true to life story, makes itan even more appealing read.
I was very moved when i realized that the drunk driver in your story was Tony's Father.
Good Job!
05/02/10
This was a very good story!~I really enjoyed reading it because you covered layers;By saying that, I mean both physical and spiritual existence. I love the atmosphere too!
Well done.

Regards
Veronica
05/03/10
I loved "The Cross and the Switchblade" when I was a kid! Great choice for a rebellious kid.

There was an easily correctable punctuation error in a few snippets of dialog:

"Do I know you," she asked?

should be

"Do I know you?" she asked.

I awlays feel a little bit squirmy about "ghost" stories--they're kind of theologically "iffy" in my book.

Love the name of the bookstore!
GracefulWarrior:
This is an amazing first article. I'm new as well and my article, Teachers Gift, is my second entry. There are a great bunch of people here who share, encourage and correct. welcome

Maria
05/03/10
I loved The Cross and The Switchblade, too! :) Great choice.

Take your time. Part of writing is sitting on it (if you have time...which I never do!;) and reviewing and revising.

I think you did a great job, but I think you could have cleaned it up a little...a few grammar, punctuation and choppy sentence spots.

But I did enjoy this and I look forward to more of your writing.

So glad you have joined us at Faithwrters! :)
05/03/10
Loved the story and characters - gave me goosebumps!

Your punctuation needs a little work, especially with your direct speech.

In paragraph 3: Tony replied...you also have a "he said" which is repetitive.

What I see though is great creative thinking and good writing that just needs a little polishing to really shine! Great job.
05/04/10
ohh, great story... I enjoyed all of it's intricacies.
05/05/10
This story exhibits an asset many writers can't buy, wonderful imagination. Take that gift and polish up the craft, you need to be writing.

Mona
I can get past the punctuation glitches - you'll improve that with time. I agree that the creativity you showed in this will take you far as a writer. I too enjoyed all the elements of this story.
05/05/10
I love the drama and suspense. The other commenters have covered the red ink, so I'll just tell you how much I enjoyed the plot and the development of your teen character, through your writing and in his life. Good job!!
Awesome and clever plot, I loved it.
05/06/10
Wonderfully creative entry. I encourage you to take advantage of all the encouraging red ink you have received and apply it on upcoming works. You should go far.