Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sad (07/26/07)
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TITLE: A Light Touch | Previous Challenge Entry
By Rachel Barclay
07/29/07 -
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The new ministry began with a quiet success. What we hoped and envisioned was slowly unfolding in our little church. So why did I feel so sad? Smiles were brimming on everyone else’s faces.
As our first playgroup session lulled to a finish with receding, content mums and excited, tired children, we began to tidy the strewn toys and sweep up blue play dough crumbs.
The new people had felt welcome and the regulars had busied themselves with unattended chores and children. We knew what had to be re-worked for next time. It had been a smooth run.
But I wasn’t finding contentment. There was a quiet, deep unrest beckoning me to withdraw, to emotionally forsake my family and focus within.
Finally back at home I was able to curl up on the bed while my young children watched a favourite video. I was too weak to resist, so I followed that beckoning call. My sadness filled a deep well, waiting for it to brim, but the emptiness was too deep.
“You know what you need to do.” I ignored the silent whisper, and waited for sleep to hibernate me from any effort pulling commitment.
I woke with a gasp at Damon’s light touch on my cheek. His timing reliably impeccable. I didn’t have to look at the clock to know I’d only been out ten minutes. I resisted crying and blaming him for waking me. Now all the kids were distracted from the screen, there wouldn’t be a moment to choose what was better.
Late at night, the dishes were stacked and my babies asleep, the washing machine humming and my husband tapping at the computer. I firmly resisted sleep, and began the long, waiting process of uprooting my unaccountable sadness. I didn’t open the Bible. The answer was already speaking inside me. There wasn’t a need to search, but rather, obey that whisper. “Be still, and know that I am God.* You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you…and will bring you back from captivity.**”
A light touch began to flood that well.
*Psalm 46:10 NIV
**Jeremiah 29:13-14a NIV
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