The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/02/07
I really liked the message contained in this article.

There were a few issues with quotations. Remember that each full quote is enclosed in quotes, not each sentence. Also, remember to begin a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks.

Your characters were very real, and I could sense the sadness the mother was carrying. Keep writing!
08/03/07
The message is solid and really, the prose works well, very good description throughout; however, this is in need of an editor to clean up many miscues. Keep writing.
08/03/07
This put tears in my eyes. So often we push aside the terrible stories we see on the news not realizing the reality of the situation! Well done.
08/04/07
The image of a prayer being stuck in a tree is an excellent one, and your narrator's voice is compelling.

Yes, definitely give this the needed edits mentioned above.

08/05/07
Good descriptions of the fall weather we experience in Southern California.
08/07/07
This gave me goose bumps. Very chilling. Excellent descriptions and wording.
08/16/07
Oh, fine, fine writing Coleene! I can't wait to read the rest of your writing! I missed several weeks of reading and I realize I missed much!