Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)

TITLE: The Mystery of Miss Terry’s Missing Terry Teddy Bear
By Bryan Coomes
04/17/07


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

The facts of this case have been changed to protect their identity and the names of those innocent and guilty are true.

My name is John Doe and I am not just some hack gumshoe; I am the new breed of detective. A technophile by nature, I look at how I can incorporate the latest and greatest technologies into my investigations. Of course right now the cash flow has been a little slow so my telephone has been disconnected, the power at my home office has been shut off, and my old beat up jalopy is still sitting in the shop waiting to be repaired. For a lesser detective these would pose a problem.

Now the cases that I did solve didn’t exactly provide any monetary compensation but I did receive some encouraging comments. Some remarks included: “Nice going Sherlock”, “No one saw that one coming”, “You have a real talent for stating the obvious” and my personal favorite “You shouldn’t quit your day job”. You just can’t put a price on positive reinforcement like that.

This investigation was performed old school. I knew that I had to get inside the minds of the suspects and figure out their motivations for committing such a heinous crime. This was a case of great intrigue, one that had kidnapping, false imprisonment, extortion, and attempted murder, just to name a few. Well, I may have over exaggerated just then a bit but it had a lot of stuff going on.

My friend, lets just call her Miss Terry (since she is single and her name is Terry) mentioned that she misplaced her terry teddy bear named…yes you guessed it…”Terry”. Now since I am so adept at reading people I knew what she really meant, her beloved bear had been stolen!

I quickly sprang into action compiling an extensive list of potential culprits all of whom coincidentally were students in Miss Terry’s second grade class. The last time anyone saw the bear in question it had been resting in its usual place on Miss Terry’s desk. Through utilizing my impressive skills of deduction, well it’s really more like subtraction, the suspects in the class were quickly whittled down as I do not have the time or patience necessary to interview 22 second graders. Two nefarious little rogues stood out of the pack: Vinny “Dirty Hands” Palantino, and Timmy “The Mouth” Palmer. I had had run-ins with these two in the past and while I had no proof of either’s involvement in this case, Vinny’s dirty hands spoke for themselves and since Timmy just talks way too much there was no way he could be innocent.

While Vinny was obviously the muscle, the true brains behind this devious duo was the oft inquisitive Timmy, whose thirst for knowledge was only rivaled by his propensity to perpetually ask annoying questions. Some would say he was wise beyond his years but they would be wrong. It didn’t help that his prepubescent voice would cut through me like a dull butter knife. This time I was determined to not let Timmy throw me off my game as I had decided to utilize the art of stealth of which I am a master.

I barged into Miss Terry’s classroom unannounced and saw the fear in the eyes of Dirty Hands Palantino and Timmy The Mouth; a fear of recognition that they were busted. I knew that I had to act fast in interrogating those two criminals as I had successfully given the elderly security guard the slip and I knew he could wake up at anytime. Hovering over the two cohorts, who no doubt sat next to one another in order to plot and plan their devious schemes and not because their last names were Palantino and Palmer, I launched into my intense questioning.

It was like something out of a movie as I blasted them with one question after another. All they could do was sit there and cry hysterically, each tear betraying them more than the last. As I grinned in satisfaction at breaking them down I slowly became aware of a furry presence pressed upon the back of my neck.

I turned to find Miss Terry glaring while holding her terry teddy tautly. I don’t know how those boys managed to hand over the bear without my noticing but they are slick operators. I’m glad I was there to solve the case.

Miss Terry’s comment of “I cannot believe what you just did” was payment enough.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 746 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jacquelyn Horne04/20/07
What a detective! (I mean, "What? A detctive?) Funny.
Esther Gellert04/21/07
When I first started reading I thought maybe you'd missed last week's challenge. LOL!
I found this very funny, and I can just imagine Miss Terry's face as the two students were being interrogated and the tone of her voice with that last comment. Well done.
Brenda Welc04/21/07
Great writing here! Love every word of it!
Jan Ackerson 04/22/07
Quite clever!

A little tightening here and there would benefit this lighthearted caper, but all in all it's quite delightful. Lots of great sentences to love.
Joanne Sher 04/23/07
So cute and fun! Definitely gave me the giggles.
Teri Wilson04/23/07
This is really clever, charming and funny. I loved the paragraph of positive reinforcements the detective had received in the past and the description of the suspects. Great job. I hope you do really well!
Rita Garcia04/23/07
Your gift for writing really shines! Delightful and fun read!
Val Clark04/25/07
That was a thoroughly enjoyable, fast paced read. Very witty. Wonderful vocabulary. My only quibble: one run on sentence: 'Through utilizing my impressive skills of deduction, well it’s really more like subtraction, the suspects in the class were quickly whittled down as I do not have the time or patience necessary to interview 22 second graders.' Short sentences heighten the tension and keep the reader pushing forward. I don't think you'll be hanging around in beginners for long. yeggy
dub W04/25/07
A delightful offering. Thanx.
Pam Carlson-Hetland04/25/07
Absolutely loved it. Great style. Great "detective" character. Definitely wonderful writing. Enjoyed it very much. Pam
Shari Armstrong 04/25/07
lol -this could have fit in Mystery as well :)
Betty Castleberry04/25/07
What a fun read! I love the "criminal" names you gave the two little boys. Very well done.
Julie Arduini04/25/07
Great narration, alliteration, and pace. Quite funny, and an all around fun read!
Sara Harricharan 04/25/07
Very funny and with a nice bit of mystery to boot. I wish the mystery element had been drawn out a tad bit more (but that's just the detective in me! ^_^)
Cute wordplay with the names too.
Verna Cole Mitchell 04/25/07
Very clever entry--I loved the skills of "subtraction.!
Donna Emery04/25/07
Very amusing. I'll bet he was in the doghouse with Miss Terry for awhile
william price04/25/07
A few speedbumps, but I enjoyed the entry. Very good job. Nice story development, a little work on presentation and this would be even more entertaining. God bless.
Julie Arduini04/26/07
Congrats on your win!!
Loren T. Lowery04/26/07
This flowed so quickly and showed a geat deal of "witful" skill. Congratulations on your win!
Henry Clemmons04/26/07
Congratulationss on your ribbon and EC placement. I guess I'll be seeing you in Level two.
I really liked your story by the way. Very clever.
Jeanie Pinkston04/28/07
I enjoyed your story! Your character is great! Any potential for a series??? Congrats on placing second!
Kristen Hester05/17/07
Iloved this story!