(Celebrating Friendship in Marriage 7)
We attended a marriage event on the 8th March 2018 and gained insight on how to ‘Build a lasting marriage’. We left the event 30 minutes before the finish time, so we wouldn’t neglect our parental duties in getting our son home in good time for school the following day. It was also our way of ensuring we did not abuse the kindness of our friends who, by then, would have been entertaining him for over two hours.
Although we would have liked to stay and hear Katharine Hill’s take on commitment, we were rewarded for leaving at the time we did. We got to our friends in time to join in the fun as they had just started the second DVD—a 30 mins episode of the original Superman. Vintage! We had to watch it! Well, Javin was hooked so that was enough to get all the adults commentating. It was worth us leaving early to get a reminder of some of the things we’ve done well such as recognising our son’s love language and pair him up with a couple who understands his way of receiving love.
Quality time is one of the 5 love languages as highlighted earlier. And that’s definitely one of our son’s love language. We found that out from when he was a toddler. So the friends we left him with were perfect for the job! They are good listeners; when you are with them they give you their full attention.
I remember a few years ago, he spent the afternoon with them on his birthday. The wife spent the time with him building a Police station from a Lego Technic set while the husband and Vince engaged in conversation. It was one of the best Christmases we’ve had since moving from London. I was beaming all afternoon watching them enjoy themselves. Of course, I occupied my time taking pictures, delighting in our son and praising his creativity as he built his police model.
So I thought I’d end this marriage series on that note since I did mention ‘Mother’s Day’ in one of the earlier parts. Recognising that quality time was one of our son’s primary love language, we made it our duty to spend quality time with him throughout his development. It has been a wonderful learning and teaching process.
As parents we are not just training up our son. We are also preparing him for the role of leadership: We are training up someone’s husband and someone’s father. Recognising his love languages and showing him love accordingly, means that he will enter relationships with his love tank topped up. That will eliminate some of the potential issues when entering relationships with emotional deficiencies. This will benefit him in work relationships also.
Therefore, if you have young children, please take time to find out what their love languages are and be sure not to miss the connection, or they will grow up seeking to fill that gap with something or someone that will only temporarily satisfy those needs. When that happens, they can sometimes get trapped in unhealthy relationships.
This year our anniversary was on the same day as 'Mother's Day' here in the UK (Sunday 11th March) so it was extra special for me. I was treated to breakfast in bed, a message at church based on Numbers 14:1-4 (I made notes about 'Change, complaints and cowardice' which was another sign that we needed to deal with impending changes in our marriage). Later we had a delicious meal at the Duchy Pot in Hitchin (a Caribbean restaurant we came across last year and wanted to visit for a special occasion).
We then went home to Javin's special treat for afters. He surprised us with a beautiful design (See picture of design on Facebook note with said title). The box of chocolate seen in that picture was a gift to him for Christmas 2017 from a family friend. He saved it to open for this special occasion). He's such a thoughtful Teenager. Indeed a blessing!
Tip 1_______: Invest today for a better tomorrow.
Above all, invest in your marriage or couple relationship because it is the best thing that you can do for your children. If your marital relationship is healthy, then your children will grow up in a healthy environment and that does wonders for their mental and emotional development.
Tip 2_______: Love and cherish your partner and teach your children by example so they will see the beauty of marriage displayed before them and have a healthy outlook on life.Tip 3_______: Let your marriage be a light to others who would one day want to be married.
I share my story to help make a difference. To the couple struggling with overwhelming challenges, I write to encourage them to see from a different perspective, rekindle the fire and rediscover each other. What works for our relationship may not work for another couple. Nevertheless, if something in my sharing helps a couple to do what is necessary in reviving their marriage, then it would have served its purpose.
Thank you for taking the time to invest in your marriage. Enjoy the journey!
Copyright 2018, Janice S. Ramkissoon
Note____All quotes are from the 'It Takes Two' Marriage event by Care for the Family.
Part 1 ~ Conflict and that 'creeping separateness' | Part 2 ~ The Place of Prayer in Our Marriage | Part 3 ~ To Love and Cherish | Part 4 ~ The Power of Communication and Connection | Part 5 ~ Healthy Conflict - Fighting Fair | Part 6 ~ Commited to the Cause | Part 7 ~ Marriage and Parenting - Transferable Skills