(Celebrating Friendship in Marriage 4)
This is where it’s important to understand each other’s love language so that we can communicate effectively with each other.
‘Good communication is vital to the health of your relationship.’
We must ‘Give appreciation and praise freely.’
A very important point is to ‘Be a generous listener.’
The art of effective communication is very often lacking and that causes major problems in relationships. We are often afraid to deal with challenges because we’ve not experienced healthy conflict in the home setting. With the right communication tools/skills we can overcome that fear and be able to address problems and avoid the stress that can impact our marriages when they are left to fester.
If we learn those skills and are able to address the issues we face at work, at school, at church and elsewhere, our mental and emotional health will be in a better place. We will no longer bring the stress home and allow our partner or the entire family to deal with the consequence. Employers will have a better relationship with their staff and there will be a better retention rate instead of the high turnover of staff that we see in so many places of employment. There would also be a high productivity level instead of sick leaves due to high stress levels that leads to more money being spent to cover staff shortages.
Children will learn that respect is a two-way process and our high school classrooms will become a place of learning rather than the battlefield they currently are.
There’s the doing and the feeling part of connection. This is where we feel accepted and in that place of acceptance we feel loved. It is the central part of the couple relationship, making the couple feel close and attracted to each other.
Disconnection can make you insulated from your partner which can bring hostility. Unified couples who feel connected are on the same page. They deal with conflict in a healthy way.
“How do we overcome the differences between us to better understand each other?”
“Being different is something you embrace rather than reject.”
We all express love in different ways.
We use words to express our love when we say, “I love you,” or when we verbalise our appreciation for something done for us. We express our love through the giving of gifts not just for special occasions but at other times when we want to show the other that they are special and they matter to us. Spending quality time with each other is another way we show our love. And it’s also important to show our love in practical ways—as the saying goes: ‘Actions speak louder than words.’
Then there’s the place for touch. A simple walk in the park holding hands can be sufficient to top up your spouse’s love tank. It is very important to find out our spouse’s primary love language to help us to connect with each other effectively.
See ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. There are also online tests you can try.
Many a conflicts develop because we do not know how to communicate effectively with others.
Tip____: Learn the art of effective communication. It will do wonders for your relationships.
More in part 5 ~ Healthy Conflict - Fighting Fair
Copyright 2018, Janice S. Ramkissoon
Note____All quotes are from the 'It Takes Two' Marriage event by Care for the Family.
Part 1 ~ Conflict and that 'creeping separateness' | Part 2 ~ The Place of Prayer in Our Marriage | Part 3 ~ To Love and Cherish | Part 4 ~ The Power of Communication and Connection | Part 5 ~ Healthy Conflict - Fighting Fair | Part 6 ~ Commited to the Cause | Part 7 ~ Marriage and Parenting - Transferable Skills