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TITLE: The 405 | Previous Challenge Entry
By Purity Snowe
06/15/06
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I saw her in the rearview mirror
Behind me
She was putting on makeup
In traffic on the 405
The hood of her Lexus glinted in the afternoon sun
Bright as her teeth
Her smile
She was putting on makeup on the interstate
Oblivious to the riches that surrounded
Unaware of the abundance that sought her

I saw her in the rearview mirror
Behind me
She was talking on her cell phone
In traffic on the 405
Her eyes rolled as she laughed behind molded glass
A pantomime on TV
Distant
She was talking on her cell phone on the interstate
Oblivious to the people that surrounded
Unaware of the prayers that interceded for her

I saw her in the rearview mirror
Behind me
She was twisting the ends of bleached hair
In traffic on the 405
She was beautiful, stunning, perfection
An earthly goddess
Angelic
She was twisting bleached hair on the interstate
Oblivious to the creation that surrounded
Unaware of heaven that longed for her

I saw her in the rearview mirror
She seemed lost

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Member Comments

Member

Date

06/15/06

Well done! You showed so well that the girl in the mirror was missing out on so much by focussing on the wrong things.

Amy Michelle Wiley

06/16/06

This touched me because I've done the same thing... noticed and prayed for soemone in a car near me who just seemed lost.

06/16/06

Zing! This is great! I love the image of the woman on the 405 missing everything important. I wish it had gone on longer...cause I couldn't get enough. Well done!

06/16/06

I really liked this. It's so easy to get distracted, even as Christians, by everything right in front of us. Also a great lesson to remember all those around us who are lost. Concise and powerful. God bless!

06/17/06

Another obvious writer! Man, second one in a row that SCREAMS who the author is. Great work as always. I really liked this piece. The ending was perfect. Dramatic and struck home. Good work.

06/17/06

Yup, short but packed a great punch at the end.

06/18/06

Love this work! :)

Linda Watson Owen

06/19/06

Great use of repetition here in this poignant poem! Our oblivious state while in need of God's abundance is repeated countless times every day. You so skillfully put your reader right there looking into that rear mirror and seeing a real person with a needy soul. It's immediate and striking. Yes, I really like this poem a lot.

Marilyn Schnepp

06/19/06

I didn't exactly find an abundance of anything here - but did find a neat poetic prose of a girl on 405. I liked the scenic view - nice entry.

06/19/06

Oblivious to ....
Unaware of....

Beautiful.

06/19/06

Really enjoyed this remember to take time to enjoy all that He created! Oh, the adundance that we miss by not being present in each moment! Great job!

06/21/06

"Unaware of heaven that longed for her" Loved this line. You took an everyday experience and hit it with a punch in this line. "He desires that none should perish." Wonderful!

06/21/06

I've been on the 405 ... and think I saw that lady! lol! Now don't cry, Purity, but I think this is a touch weaker than some of your other entries ... now that I've said that you'll win! ;-) You're doing great! Keep at it!

06/21/06

"...unaware of heaven that longed for her..."

What a marvelous phrase! I'll be thinking about that all day.

Dr. Sharon Schuetz

06/21/06

I loved it. I've never been on the 405 but I think that lady moved to Houston. I'd swear I saw her on 610 the other day. Great job.

Trina Courtenay

06/22/06

Nope Sharon, I went to college with her 5 yrs ago and I think she's still living in Red Deer, AB.

Enough about that...your poem as always...AWESOME