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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Personal Peace (06/01/06)
Corrine had been working hard for over twenty-five years, counseling others as a psychologist and mending many a lost soul. It had been fulfilling, frustrating and always rewarding. Knowing that with words she was able to help others find peace, she too wished and prayed for the often, elusive peace. Peace was like a flittering butterfly—one minute it’s there, the next, it’s gone.

Retiring after all those years of listening and helping, Corrine decided that she would be proactive and see if she could find some kind of inner personal peace by doing some hiking.

Living in California provided ample opportunities for this and with no patients to see and care for, she set out one May day, with a back pack full of needed supplies—food and water, protection tools, a small blanket, a compass and a few extra things to make sure the trip would be successful.

The morning started out fine; she felt good and her hiking shoes fit her well for comfort and speed. The weather was cool and fresh and added to her enjoyment of the day.

It was a gorgeous May day and optimism for a new beginning was growing throughout her entire body. She was enjoying the flowers, trees and nature and forgetting her past demands and concerns as a psychologist. Just she and nature and that was more than enough.

Around four in the afternoon, she decided that it was time to go home. She felt elated and happy and a certain amount of peace gave her satisfaction.

She pulled out her compass, made sure of the desired direction and began walking back. Something must have gone wrong with the compass because an hour later she returned to the same spot.

Night would be upon her soon and a knawing fear began growing--first in the pit of her stomach and then up to her heart. What to do? She observed a kind of enclave—a clearing on the side of a small hill. She took out her flashlight and checked the area.

Nothing creeping on the ground, just moist soft earth; it looked like it would do for the night. She felt comfortable knowing she had two strong flashlights—with extra batteries and a small blanket and food. She would be alright for the night.

As night drew darker and cooler, she looked to the heavens and soon found the peace she had been seeking for so long. How beautiful the stars looked, so bright and lovely. She thought about how many years it took to form a star and how each star had been in the heavens for thousands of years.

How could anyone not believe there was a God, when there was so much evidence--everywhere! And, everything made--so perfect, so graciously wonderful. From the beauty up above, she wondered why she ever worried about anything. God was always there and always provided for her needs. What a waste of time, she thought.

The peace of the quiet night soon engulfed her and put her safely to sleep. The blanket cushioned her head comfortably on a lowly stone and her jacket lying across her, gave comfort and warmth.

Morning came quickly and she was soon startled by a whistle…..Another camper had spotted her and was trying to get her attention.

“Say there, are you alight?” It was a man; he looked around forty, and he was alone, except for a collie walking at his side.

Groggily she replied, “Yes, I’m fine. I got lost yesterday but it looks like I now I've been found…”

It wasn’t long before they both were up and running…..so to speak, with his collie in between the two. He was single like Corrine and it looked like the beginning of a beautiful romance.

Sometimes, as in this story, personal peace can come from a simple experience—a commonality—and oh how lovely the peace can be!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
George Parler 
06/12/06
Nice comforting story line. I did notice a minor misspelling, alight/alright. On a personal preference of mine, I noticed that you used the word "peace" eight times within the story. It had a sense of trying to over emphasize the topic. I'm sure this wasn't the case, but that's the way it read to me. A suggestion might be to use other metaphors and attributes of "peace" rather than using the word itself too many times. Like I said this is just a preference of mine and doesn't mean that it's wrong the way it is. Your wording painted beautiful images in my mind, I was there. Good Job!
Helen Paynter
06/13/06
Nice story with a romantic twist. See if you can work a little more on 'showing' not 'telling' - in my opinion you haven't done quite enough of the former. I enjoyed the read.
Anita Neuman
06/14/06
This was an enjoyable read. I assumed the character wasn't a Christian because of her vague search for personal peace - and then she was talking about believing in God as if she's done that all her life. That left me a bit confused. But overall, I think this was delightful, and the romantic twist at the end was very cute!
Dr. Sharon Schuetz
06/14/06
I agree with the others, but this has the potential to be an excellent story.

One note, however, most Christians actually struggle with the issues of peace as much as nonchristans do. The difference is that we know where our Source of Comfort is. Unfortunately, though, most of us only go to the Source after we have exhausted all of our own resources trying to do it on our own. Good story.