The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/09/06
You painted some nice pictures here. Some of the text was garbled -- maybe you uploaded a Word document instead of text? Good use of scripture and tone.
God bless
Al
06/11/06
Apart from the garbled text you have a very nice story here.
06/12/06
The "grabled text" is not anything that you wrote, but simply the way that some computers interpret punctuation marks--they show up as foreign-looking characters. It probably has something to do with your own computer (perhaps it's on a foreign language setting), which is why you can't see the characters, and why we can).

As far as the story--first rate! I wanted to read more, and I love the way it ended. I'll be watching for more of your writing!
06/12/06
This is a wonderfully written story. Her heart and yearning for freedom... combined with the hymn made for a great story.
06/12/06
Now what are you going to do when this places in the Advanced and you accidently placed it there insead of in intermidate? I figured out the garbled stuff right away and eagerly read on. I liked the descriptions and story as well. Good job!
06/12/06
Thank you for your sweet story, bringing your reader into the difficult life of an enslaved woman. The only glitch that interrupted the flow is the use of "lay" where "lie" should be [double check this, as it is one of those confusing, easy to miss word mix-ups: I lie down; she wants to lie down; please lay the baby here; present tense all. Past tense adds to the confusion: lie-->lay; lay-->laid ---I think!]. My mom, the teacher was always getting after folks for this one! God bless your writing!
06/13/06
GOod story, evocatively written
06/13/06
What a great story! It has really great flow, and great message, and it's all realistic. There were a couple of tiny word glitches (ie. "fortune" where you probably meant "fortunate") but that wasn't a big distraction. Great job!
06/14/06
Good job, even with the "garbled text".
06/14/06
Well written. A great message about having peace in difficult circumstances and also that "...the human soul was made for freedom." Consider rephrasing the sentence: "She took the baby in and 'together'..." Enjoyed your story. Good job.