Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Pen and Paper (07/17/14)
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TITLE: A Page Stained With Blood And Ink | Previous Challenge Entry
By JK Stenger
07/24/14 -
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It was horrible! They were all going to die. He had been tucked away in the shirt pocket of Owner, but it had been anything but safe. Bullets were everywhere. Explosions, screams, curses were heard, and dust got stuck in his inner parts.
Of course Pen hadn’t been able to actually see anything, but he knew it was bad. How he longed for those peaceful days in the house of Owner, who would use him to produce beautiful words. What a joy it was to feel the inspiration flowing through his inky belly and to be able to cover his best friend Paper with words. Owner was poetic and everything that flowed out of Pen onto Paper was usually beautiful and full of meaning.
But those days were over. Now they were in the middle of a war and Pen doubted whether this would end well. His slender body rested against Notebook, who seemed equally distressed.
“How are you holding out, Notebook?”
“I am not going to survive.” Notebook’s voice was barely audible above the noise of war.
“Even if we are getting out alive, I’ve got only one paper left on my body. I am pretty much spent and I will end up in the garbage anyway.”
Pen knew it was true. There was no reason for Owner to keep Notebook around when that last page was used up.
“We’ve been good friends. You’ve been the best, Notebook!” Pen tried to sound confident, but his words faltered.
“Thanks Pen. We’ve been a good team. I appreciated your ink immensely. You were always—
But Notebook couldn’t finish his sentence.
There was an enormous explosion. For a moment everything was incredibly bright, and then all was dark. Owner was lifted out of his trench and he, Pen and Notebook were violently dumped metres away in the open field. Then all became silent. An eery stillness settled down over the battlefield.
“Are you allright?” Notebook still felt Pen pressed against him, but Pen barely moved. A big inkstain covered Notebook. For a moment Notebook looked at the stain in a daze and then it dawned on him. Pen was broken.
“…O no…Pen, you are leaking!”
“I know,” Pen sounded weak and his voice crackled. “I …I am so sorry.” He could hardly speak. “I…I... messed up your last page.”
“It’s nothing,” Notebook tried to reassure Pen. “We’re in it together.”
Just then Owner moved. He was badly wounded and in pain. His hand came to his shirt-pocket and felt for Pen. There were his tender hands, those faithful hands that Pen knew so well. Owner wanted him.
“I am broken…I am leaking.” Pen wanted to scream it out, but he knew Owner could never hear him. Owner lifted Pen out of his hiding place.
“Oh no…” Owner moaned. “My pen is broken.” Some of Pen’s ink started to mingle with the blood on Owner’s hand. Owner moaned again and mumbled: “I’ve got to try, anyway.”
Then Owner pulled out Notebook too. Just one paper left. But it was all he needed. With great difficulty Owner started to write with Pen on Notebook’s last page.
Pen knew this was to be the last time that inspiration would flow through his body. Notebook knew it was the last time he would receive those beautiful words of Owner. And Owner knew it was to be his last message.
To Mrs. Amelia Jackson
Mother…I want you to know how thankful I am for your love and your faith.
I accepted Jesus as my Saviour last night. All your prayers for me were not in vain.
I will be seeing you in Heaven.
Your son, Thomas.
Then he tore the page out of Notebook and clasped the paper in his inkstained, bloody hand. He looked up to the heavens and was at peace.
“Lord Jesus…into Your hands I commit my spirit.”
That day Pen was ruined, Notebook was used up and Owner entered Heaven.
But neither Pen, nor Notebook knew that they had just performed the most important job they had ever done.
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But you surprised me with it being a serious piece and about a soldier being saved in the midst of a real war. I went from thinking it was going to be fun to the sobering fact that it was dead serious. But I loved every minute of it. You did such a great job of making me an eyewitness to your story and so happy to be one too.
Thanks for sharing!
And your starting line’s brilliant – I can barely wait to read what’s coming next and you did not disappoint. Your personification of Pen and Notebook was very convincing and you had me on tenterhooks following the explosion. Only one word didn’t work for me and that was “dumped”. Perhaps “violently thrown” or just simply “catapulted” would have been better. Great conclusion - unexpected but satisfying. Excellent.
It was refreshingly unpredictable throughout.
Well done!
I did notice a couple of things. I wondered how notebook could fit in pocket, then it dawned on me that it was likely one of those small handheld ones. It only took me a second to catch on. The other thing that made me pause was that the pen and notebook were meters away after the explosion so I struggled with how owner managed to reach them.
It didn't take me long to get back into this beautiful story, though. I had tears in my eyes. You made me stop and pray for all of those in combat and their moms at home praying. You nailed the topic. Your beginning introduced the conflict immediately and propelled the story onward. Your message was strong and clear, and your ending realistic and beautiful.
I would have liked a bit more sensory information, but I realize telling this from the perspective of the pen and paper tucked into a pocket made the lack of details appropriate. They were confused as to what was happening, so it made sense to have the reader taking that journey with them.
Though sad, I think the ending was appropriate, and I couldn't have pictured a better way to end it. You gave a very unique perspective to this week's topic, and it was a pleasure to read. Thanks for sharing!