Come, eat! Come, drink! Come, taste the honey derived from hives of bees who've lost their sting.
All hunger stops here, at the Original and Everlasting Filling Station.
Running on empty? Relax. Grace Abundant will load your tank with NO LACK Premium while you take an undeserved "more-than-a-coffee-break" inside our humble diner. There you can enjoy pristine cuisine fresh from our fertile Promised Land. Our taps flow with abundant milk, piped in from a well that won't run dry. His Nine-fold Passion Fruit will satiate your appetite. You'll never thirst again, because
All poverty stops here, at the depot that demolishes all greed and meets your every need.
We know every bump with which life's road has bopped your vehicle. Your treads are worn, your dashboard's shot, the front window's cracked, and your upholstery has taken quite a beating. As your mileage adds up, so do the dollar signs. But we've got you covered. We'll pay your fines, repair your wrecks, and cover every bill in full. No worldly insurance company sports warranties like ours, because
All pain stops here, where our Magnificent Mechanic's scars confront the rust of man's unholy wrath.
His cheeks have felt the slap of many gas pedals on road rage. His back has felt the whiplash caused by numerous out-of-control steering systems. He's seen the sleaze build-up beneath your hood and knows how much you hurt. What's more, His Sympathize-With-Every-Human-Weakness Oil can lubricate your stiffest joints and muffle every squeaky wheel that ever vexed an ear. Our clinic runs 24/7, so drop by for a checkup,
Here, where the filth of fleshly virtue ceases and the unadulterated water of the Word cleanses guilty souls.
Sound too good to be true? It almost is. But charity is what we do, so be sure to treat your chassis to our Ultimate Salvation Car Wash. While you're at it, visit our incredible Baptism Pool Clothing Exchange and ditch your greasy rags for shimmering robes. We soak them in a lasting anti-freeze to keep your internal radiator at just the right temperature - a crucial element for navigating patches of black ice and blistering potholes.
Have you run out of gas, out of steam, or out of hope? Is your tailpipe clogged with smog? Never fear.
Here, where all exhaustion stops, you can shed your stress.
Are you angry? Frustrated? At your wit's end? There's no need to vent. Just step inside our restroom. You'll be refreshed and blessed as you inhale the heavenly atmosphere. Kick your shoes off and renew your mind with a Far-Higher-Than-Your-Own-Thoughts Gospel magazine. While you wait on Him, we'll change your air filter and run an MGCT (Master's Great Commission Test) on your emissions to check for toxins such as CO (which stands for co-dependency - i.e., trusting evil company). By the way, we live to jumpstart batteries and revamp carburetors. If your catalytic converter needs to be converted, we handle that as well,
Here at the Original and Everlasting Filling Station,
Where every funeral procession comes to a dead end. Defiant trains of self reliance screech to a halt.
Here, where the stone's been rolled away, the bonds of every curse are burst and the course of every hearse is automatically reversed. Can you believe it? Can you see it?
The offer's gratis, but time is limited. So don't spurn it, for you can't earn it, but you can cash in on it by dying to pride. And you can leave a tip - by tipping off others to this incredible free deal. Hurry! We'll be waiting for you,
Here at the cross-roads of Repentance and Faith-In-Christ-Alone. Just listen to your "yearn-to-turn" signals and follow the sign that says "No Other Outlet."
That's the only way to save your life and salvage your old clunker. All other roads lead to a final and most definite dead end.
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