The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/09/12
My husband and I personal friends of the Director of one of the facilities. Your story gripped my heart--I kept hoping the story was either fiction or it ended well. So thankful for the outcome! Mercy!

You might want to work some on 'conversations' in your writing. Quotes, without any kind of 'claimer', can be confusing, even when there are only two characters speaking.

It can help break up the monotony in over use of "he said & she said" by using descriptive words to show who is speaking. "I'm here, now." Mary said breathlessly. can really help put the reader in the room with Mary.

Well done, an edgy read! I'm SO glad it all was a bad (mean!)trick and not real!
Wow, knowing this is a true story makes it even more incredible. Wasn't it Mark Twain who said The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated? This is an awesome story.

The only red ink I have is tiny. I was just reading one of the most common misused words is nauseous when it really should be nauseated. Nauseous means causing nausea or sickening where nauseated means feeling like you might throw up. :)

I think you did a wonderful job creating suspense. I can't imagine the cruelty of some people and find it astonishing that anyone would play such a horrible prank.
02/10/12
This really was a gripping and suspenseful story and even more so because it was true. You write very well and it kept me reading to the very end.

Wonderful work!
02/10/12
Quite an impressive entry. It held my attention and was riveting throughout.
God Bless~
02/15/12
Imagine, having to go through the entire day before finding out you're really dead! Great read and on topic for sure. Thanks for sharing.
02/16/12
Yes, having someone walk in that you were told was dead would be astonishing. More astonishing is that someone would be cruel enough to start a rumor like that. Imagine the grief the wife was experiencing as she headed to the hospital. This was a well written, engrossing read!
Congratulations for ranking 9th in level three!