Snow crunches beneath my booted feet as I run out the door and away from the cabin.
My heart aches with the pain of humiliation.
My eyes are blinded by tears.
I trip over a rock poking up through the snow.
Tumbling to the ground, I cry out as searing pain shoots through my ankle.
Immediately I have six concerned faces looking down at me.
My cry brought them outside.
Oh great. Just great, God! Do you need to humiliate me any further than I already am?
I was only doing what I do best. Leading. I am the ultimate leader.
We’re planning our activities for the next week as we play in this winter wonderland. I have some great ideas. I shared them. Apparently a little too forcefully, according to Karen. She let me know in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t the only one with ideas.
“Why do you always think you have to be in control and take charge of everything? There are seven of us here, and you aren’t the only one who has an opinion! Sure, you might be the oldest, but good grief, Sandi, would you just give it a rest? All my life I have had to listen to you go on and on about your wonderful ideas. I’ve had it up to here with you!”
The eyes of the rest of my siblings were on me. I gulped. I didn’t have one word to say in my defense. Sandi was right. The thing is I just wanted to make this time really special for us all and nobody else seemed to be stepping up to the plate, so why not me? It was our first time at the cabin since mom and dad had been killed in a car accident. I guess I wanted our time to be full so we wouldn’t have to think about the fact that mom and dad weren’t here with us this year.
I should have remembered that when you get seven girls together in a small space there’s bound to be fur flying.
All I wanted to do was replicate how our trips to the cabin had been in years past… so full of fun; laughter, playing games, tobogganing, etc.
The year since mom and dad had been gone had been really rough. I was just twenty-five and left with the care of my sisters, the youngest being just thirteen. It wasn’t easy being an instant mother. There were squabbles to iron out, household chores to do and divvy out. I was burned out and just wanted to have a good time at the cabin with my sisters. So, I planned fun.
Now here I lay in the snow my ankle hurting worse by the second.
I look up at my sisters.
Concern is etched on their faces.
Sandi is the first to speak.
“Coral are you all right?” Her face is ashen.
“No, something’s wrong with my ankle.” I grimace in pain as hot tears slide down my face, cooling quickly on my snow flecked cheeks.
Sandi quickly goes into action, giving orders like a drill Sargent, almost. I smile to see her in action. I didn’t know she had it in her, but then again, I’d never given her a chance to prove herself either. Soon we’re all in our mini van making our way to the nearest hospital.
I find out I have torn ligaments. I’ll have to be on crutches for a good six to eight weeks in order for the healing to begin. Our winter fun has ended before it even gets started. I have to learn to let my sisters do without my assistance. I wonder if I can just sit and let them run things without giving orders.
I pull out my journal and the jumbled thoughts in my head spill out onto the page.
I’ve been such a fool. I thought I was only doing what you wanted me to. I guess I got carried away didn’t I? So now I’ve been brought down a notch or two, so you can do your work in me? God it’s not gonna be easy to just sit around while my sisters do everything. What do you want from me?
You, my child, I just want you. Be still. Wait on me.
Is it really that simple?
Yes, it is.
Okay, God, I get it… I’m ready to wait. Let the adventure begin.
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