The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
09/11/08
What a cute and delightful entry on the topic.
09/11/08
Fun entry with delightful characterization and great action. Enjoyed the read.
09/12/08
I suspected the twist early on - nice to not be disappointed! I remember playing hide and seek with my first crush in the dark....no kissing involved but fluttery feelings for sure!
09/13/08
I was sure something dreadful was about to happen to poor girl—what a relief that it was a game! I like your use of the snap, crackle and pop words, and what a wonderful memory— "oh snap!" Well done.
09/15/08
Nice redirect at the end and cute title. One minor POV comment. In the beginning you say she had her eyes so tight she could almost see stars, then a couple sentences later you state that she could almost see her laced collar move in the moonlight. I was sure if her eyes were opened or closed. Otherwise it was a suspensful entry with a fun ending.