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Dear Marketing Department,
It has come to our attention that a few of these old nursery rhymes have lost a bit of their punch, what with this new technology and all, and they seem quite boring. If you could, dress them up a bit as we’re losing our readership which of course means, we’re losing our profits. Lost profits mean lost wages. I do so hope you can find a way to make these more exciting and adventurous. Yes, I suppose that’s truly what’s missing here a true sense of adventure. So I’ve attached some to get started.
Thanks in advance.
Perez E. Dent
Attached:
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.
Revised version:
Rambo told Jill they’d blow up the hill
so Jack could get some water
Jack looked amused ‘till Jill lit the fuse
Now the hill is nothing but rubble
Attached:
Hickory Dickory Dock
The mouse ran up the clock
The clock struck one
The mouse ran down
Hickory Dickory Dock.
Revised.
Snapple, Crackle and Pop
Came the sound from the clock as it dropped.
The mouse perked his ears
But it was just as he feared
Snapple, Crackle and Pop
Attached:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men
Couldn’t put humpty together again.
Revised.
Humpty perched precariously high
Humpty was certain he’d die
King’s horses and men rushed to help their large friend
Who had landed sunny-side up.
Attached:
Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow
Everywhere that Mary went the lamb was sure to go.
It followed her to school one day, which was against the rules
It made the Children laugh and play to see a lamb at school.
Revised:
Morticia’s lamb was black and mean and ornery to boot
The color of the fireplace, it was covered with its soot.
It snuck around and tailed Morticia one September morn.
It might’ve been much better if the student’s had been warned.
The lamb it waited just ‘til time they all came out to lunch
And then it bleated so darn loud it scared the rowdy bunch
They threw their bags into the air, then back inside they ran
Morticia’s lamb ate ‘til it was full, it was such a devious plan.
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