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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: A MIGHTY FORTRESS (don't write about the song) (04/23/15)
A Small Still Voice

The trip up the mountain was unusually long and rugged. I had not remembered all the twists and turns, and dizziness caused me to become nauseous. I found myself wishing I could have somehow been air lifted. There were deep ravines off on one side, and I struggled to stay alert as I steered the car toward the top. I had traveled this road many times but always with a touch of foreboding. What if?

At last I arrived at my destination, an old cabin with peeling paint that I rented at least once a year for rest and relaxation. Often I came with family or friends, but this time I was all alone. My life had been particularly distressing lately, and I felt some alone time would refresh me and enable me to think through some problems I had been experiencing. More than anything, I hungered to be alone with God and longed for Him to graciously renew me spiritually.

The days passed in a multitude of tasks that kept me busy from dawn to dark, long walks in the woods, wading in streams and fishing. However, the anxiety had not gone, and I saw my surroundings as though from a great distance. Time had not stopped my busy mind as I hoped. I was certain that I would hear the small, still voice of God, but up to this point, He had been silent. My last day was drawing to a close when I decided to go for one final, brief walk. It was already late in the afternoon, but I felt certain all would be well. After all, I had walked the trail multiple times.

As I walked an unfailing reaction returned, an intolerable dread of going home and back into the exhausting routine I had become so accustomed too. Oh, if only life could be different. There had to be more. I was so caught up in thought that I ventured further than normal, and before I knew it, darkness was closing in. Panic gripped me, and I quickly turned to make my way back. I had no lantern, and I could have given myself a swift kick for the predicament I found myself in. I hurriedly walked but tripped on a log and fell face down. The night had deepened, and I could not see a thing now. Broken twigs slashed the skin of my face. I moved slowly amid the wild tangle of undergrowth. After some hours passed, I reached extreme physical exhaustion, and my feet could no longer keep up with my mind. Wild thoughts surged through my brain.

With aching bones and a chill of terror, I paused occasionally to pray. I instinctively cried out to God, “Help me.” The clouds dissipated, the skies cleared, and the stars looking down were a scene of peaceful beauty. A wide, full moon appeared and seemed to say, “God will always cover you with the shadow of His Almighty arm.” It was at that moment that I heard the small, still voice of God say, “You’re going to make it. You’re not alone.” A great wave of relief passed through me. Soon afterwards, I emerged from the dark depths, releasing a sudden rush of tears, tears of relief. At the sight of the cabin, I was overjoyed. I was so bone weary that after a steaming cup of tea, I fell into an exhausted sleep.

When morning came, the sky was cloudless, and the sun was shining in all its glory. I lay tranquil in it as though protected by the truce of God. I had always known He was my fortress, and the previous night had reminded me. Yes, I would rise and travel home today, but no longer with a feeling of dread and apprehension. Somehow, my problems no longer seemed to be mountains. I thought, “God and I can get through anything.” I likened Him to the cabin, so warm and protective, a strong tower to run into and be saved from the dark and dangerous world. With Him as my Guide, one day at a time would be farseeing enough to discern guidance. I had arrived as a woman oppressed and struggling to stand upright beneath many burdens. I left, confident that God had a plan, and He would lead me from all darkness into the safety of His arms.

“The name of the Lord is a strong tower; The righteous run to it and are safe.” (Proverbs 18:10)
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This article has been read 678 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
04/30/15
I enjoyed this on topic entry with a powerful ending that lends way to hope and light.

God bless~
Bonnie Bowden 
05/01/15
Very strong and descriptive story.
Pat Small
05/01/15
Inspiring. I thought it was well done.
Jan Ackerson
05/04/15
This is lovely, and I have very little red ink for you. You did a fine job of appealing to your readers' senses without being overly descriptive, for example.

Just a few things to note--you're inconsistent with your commas, especially those after introductory clauses. Sometimes you included them (With aching bones and a chill of terror, I paused...), but sometimes you left them out (As I walked an unfailing reaction returned...). In addition, your flow would be improved if thoughts were rendered in italics. Sometimes you had them as plain text (Oh, if only life could be different) and sometimes you had them in quotes ("Help me.") Italics make it clearer to your reader that you're thinking or praying.

You did a fine job with some of the most important things for a writer--word choice, varied and interesting sentence structures, the flow of the events and the satisfactory resolution. Well done!
C D Swanson 
05/07/15
Congrats,
God bless~
Sheila Bird
05/08/15
Your story points out how a still small voice can leave a loud and clear message. It also teaches me that we do desperate things when we get desperate for God. I read your story several times and was drawn in by the drama of being lost and alone in the dark. Your descriptions were vivid. One thing I noticed was that when you (or your character) fell down, you did not mention getting back up, so for the next couple of lines I imagined this person wounded and crawling around for a foothold. Also when you said your feet could not keep up with your mind, you probably could have left off the next sentence because it is slightly repetitious. Perhaps you might say that your feet could no longer keep with the wild thoughts surging through your mind. Anyway, I got the message and I think it is a good one.