Beyond Measure | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: Beyond Measure | Previous Challenge Entry
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01/14/13
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We all had to stand with our backs to the scale, one by one, as soon as we arrived. It was, in essence, a pointless practice. We all knew our weights exactly, having checked the scale at home countless times prior to being weighed-in at the treatment program. Even without scales, we were all consumed by measurements. It struck me how similar we were to one another, the numbers and comparisons that ruled our existence; we judged our success by the way our clothing fit, by the protrusion of the collar bone, by how many fingers fit around the wrist.

We were all particularly skilled at performing calculations by eye, albeit discreetly. It’s possible to take in another girl’s measurements fairly completely while maintaining the appearance of examining the floor. Leanness of the neck, the waist, the hips, and overall success in controlling one’s flesh were all easy to evaluate and thereby compare to one’s own.

Guarded observation of the other patients’ eating habits preoccupied much of our time at lunch. Each meal was carefully measured, but with not nearly the precision given to most of our at-home endeavors. Some of us had four ounces of protein, others six. Some of us had two servings of a starch, others three. The chewing, the watching, the comparing, the measuring; the food made us so full.

And yet I was so empty.

"For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:14-19, NKJV)

I don’t do much measuring anymore. For you see, what healed me and what fills me is measureless, without bounds, and beyond comprehension. It took several hospitalizations and years of struggling with eating disorders for me to realize that what I hungered for cannot be measured. The desire for approval, the striving for perfection, the fear of rejection and failure; all are silenced by the love of Christ. For while I performed my own measurements, I was unaware that God kept His own. Every hair on my head He had numbered, as well as every tear. Every day of my life had been written in His book; and so it is with you.

These days I no longer strive for my own perfection, but rather rest in the perfection of the One who died on my behalf. Rather than dwelling in the destructive fear of men, I abide in the life-giving love of the One who rose again. By His grace, I no more set my focus on the meals of this world, but look instead to that heavenly banquet at which time I will join the multitude in praising the only One deserving of all glory.

If you are imprisoned today, if fear and behaviors are holding you in bondage, know that you are not alone. You are not beyond the love of Christ. No sin is too dark for His forgiveness, no chains so strong that He cannot break them. His is the love that you need not earn, nor fear losing. It is for Him that you truly hunger, His healing that you need. Turn to Jesus Christ in your brokenness. For His love alone is beyond measure.
(true story)

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