Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Diet - deadline is 8-9-12 9:59 am NY time. (08/02/12)
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TITLE: The weight | Previous Challenge Entry
By Wesley Hesketh
08/06/12 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Three seventy’s too much.
My things were specially build
They broke at every touch.
The diets I’ve been on
Don’t seem to do the task.
I’ve failed at every try
None of the diets last.
The one to eat grapefruit
It helped a little while.
I did not loose a ounce.
That caused me not to smile.
I took a little break
Not having lost a pound.
I tried with all my might
But I had let me down.
Then one day it happened
I fell while on a walk.
I struggled to stand up
I could not move this balk.
The woman that was there
Did try with all her might
No matter how she tried
I was a sorry sight.
The only thing I did
To help me to succeed.
I looked around for God
And ask Him to help me.
I tried again to stand
But only rolled around
Then with one mighty heave
She lifts me off the ground.
Could not find a reason
The woman got that strength.
On that day I began
To go to any length.
I started to eat less
I gave it up to God.
I began to loose weight
Which seem so very odd.
Even when I doubted
The fat melted away.
Now I stand before you
And I can proudly say.
It’s taken me one year
The difference you can see.
Through God I’m a changed man
I now weight two fifty.
That happened with God’s help
Who’s helped me every day.
He guides me when I eat
Finally He leads the way.
My health is much better
My battle’s ‘bout to end.
I have not gained a pound.
With help from God my friend.
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You have some errors like who's instead of whose and a switch on the tense from past to present. A challenge buddy or s critique group might help with that. If you're interested check the message boards or send me a PM.
You did a great job of covering the topic. There was a touch of humor and then the message of needing God's help. I finished reading and felt a sense of hope. Good job!