Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Up and Down (04/02/09)
-
TITLE: Going Up | Previous Challenge Entry
By Cecile Hurst
04/05/09 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
“Going down first,” says the guy in the grey suit.
His impatience hits a high and he makes a move for the elevator to the right as the numbers fall three-two... Then he hops in with the grey suit – “Sometimes you just got to go down before you can go up,” he says with a humble smile.
“Isn’t that the way life just seems to roll?” the guy nods in answer to his own question.
They ride in silence down to the car park; it smells like wet cement and diesel down there.
“Have a good one.”
“Yah, you too,” and with a jolt its back up, up, up to the ninth, tenth, eleventh…
Bang! Bang!
His heart jumps into his throat as his stomach splits in two and slides to his toes. He unconsciously steps back, trying to melt into the elevator wall. “Jesus… Savior… dear God…”
BANG!
“God help us, God help us,” he prays without a voice as the metal doors part open to the twelfth floor.
Silence. Then groans. A man in a blue nylon coat with a gun shot to his head lies on the floor ten feet from the elevator, a gun still firmly clasped in his right hand.
“Lora?” he says as he takes a shaky step forward, noticing the movement behind the front desk.
A woman in a white blouse and black knee length skirt stumbles from her kneeling position behind a rolling chair and falls into him.
He stands there holding her. “Are you okay?” and she nods through her sobs as he blinks around him in disbelief, realizing what just happened: going down had saved him.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
Good writing--I'd have like to see it expanded a bit. Did you have some leftover words? I'd encourage you to use them all, and also to put an extra space between your paragraphs.
This is thought-provoking: what's the take-away for the family of the guy in the blue jacket?
Good content and ideas.
Well done.
If you'd like to check the highest rankings for yourself, you can find them here:
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=25204
The highest rankings are posted every Thursday evening on the Message Boards.
Again, well done! :-)
Hope to see you at the FaithWriters' Conference in August.
With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)