The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/17/12
I loved the title and loved this piece. I found it to be clever, well written and so fresh. Beautifully done.

I loved the "last brick" Bill handed her. It made my heart smile!

GOD bless~
06/20/12
This read like a diary or journal with its casual entries about life's happenings. Liked the progression of the MC's heart and the sweet ending left me smiling.
This is such a fun story. I could so relate. I love how you show the reader what it is like to have an intimate relationship with Jesus.

The tiny red ink I have is you use the word really a lot but it's really okay because it's a dialog and probably how you speak. You also used quite a few exclamation points which sometimes can actually diminish the effect you're trying to achieve. (and once you had it outside of the parentheses when I think it went with the phrase inside.)

I think this is a talented and creative take on the topics. it feels so real. I have no doubt that you do indeed have such a wonderful relationship with God. I think sharing it with the world is a beautiful way to witness to others.
Congratulations for ranking 6th in level two! Happy dance!