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Topic: Lifeguard (11/09/06)
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TITLE: Out of the Mire | Previous Challenge Entry
By Angela Richardson
11/14/06 -
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“God, please just let me get through this and I will never have to deal with it again.”
I remember the first time I prayed that very prayer. I was just thirteen, and my friends and I had just finished a bottle of vodka. We had gotten it because we were convinced that it would leave no trace of evidence. I suppose it may not have, had we kept it in our stomachs, and not all over our shoes. Also, you are not too inconspicuous when your face is glued to the middle of the side walk, with people side stepping you and staring with disdain and judgement, yet never with concern or compassion. As I open my eyes, I see the same sights as when I was young. So much has happened in the last five years. My guts start to turn again, and I roll over to rest against a bank of snow. Oddly enough, I begin to feel warmth. When the feeling in my belly subsides, I feel my lips curl upward into the form of a smile. This too is odd, because I can’t remember when the last time it was, that I felt this content. In all the weekends of drugs and alcohol I have never felt as I do now. I feel as though I could fall asleep and never wake again. Finally, I feel like I can rest.
“Thank you Jesus.”Just then, when I finished my whisper, there He was.
“Why do you thank me for what you have done to yourself? I did not die, and shed my blood so you can live the way I did. A life full of pain and suffering. I lived, and died, so that you can live as I do. A life free of misery and condemnation.”
Now in disbelief, I begin to cry. My pain is such, that until this time, I have never known. I see the pain of Christ. I feel the pain of Christ. I know the pain of Christ. Not because of anything that I have ever done, but because looking in His face I can see the love that is in Him. That in itself is not the pain, but knowing that I have denied Him, that is the unbearable truth. He still loves me. Why? I did all could to end my life, and He did all he could to give His.
“Child, you are young and your pain is real. I know this. But you cannot give up. This is the furthest you’ve come to meet me, yet you needed not. I am in your heart, and will be with you until you meet me again.” As Jesus spoke to me, I could feel the pain in my whole body start to ease. I could feel the warmth in my heart. I lean forward in an attempt to kiss my personal Lifeguard, but in turn I feel a gentle hand brush my cheek. My eyes open, and I see a familiar face. In my bed I am comforted with a pillow under my head and a warm blanket tucked under my chin. My mother smiles at me. I am not sure how I got home, but I am grateful. When my mom slips through the door, I pray.
“Dear God, thank you for Your Son. Jesus, thank you for meeting me and pulling me from my pool of hell. Forgive me for swimming in it for so long. I know I will see you again one day, but that time, will be in Your time. Amen”
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