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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Cross (as in the Cross of Christ) (08/17/06)
Lilly looked down the rust red cliff into the dark, hot, depths below and took a huge step back. “That’s a long fall,” she thought. She looked across the gorge where it was a green, lush meadow filled with thousands of wild flowers and dappled with huge trees. The sky was clear except for a few clouds here and there. It seemed to be a dreamland on the other side.

Lilly surveyed the land around her. For as far as the eye could see there was only rusty, barren bleakness. The sky was dark and stormy. No matter which way she faced the wind whipped her blonde hair in her face and red dust in her brown eyes. She noticed that there were others like her. They dappled the landscape like the trees over there. They to appeared to have no clue where they were or how they got into this nightmare.

As Lilly walked along the edge, looking for a way across, she thought of the events that got her here. She was crossing the street. The signal across the way said “don’t walk” but she didn’t see any cars coming. She heard a car horn, the screech of brakes and then she hit the ground. Now she was at this place. “I’m dead,” she realized aloud and others around her echoed.

Lilly saw what she was looking for, a huge cross leading to heaven. Finally she would meet the lord she loved so much. She walked across the wide wooden beam. And everyone who had echoed her followed. Some fell through to the hellish pts below that were probably hell. The rest had a small black cross their foreheads. The elderly morphed into their youthful prime and a baby morphed into what it he would have looked like in his mid twenties. Lilly walked past the golden elegant gates into her home that was even more amazing that it had appeared from the other side
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
08/27/06
I like your title, and the idea of people entering heaven at their pirme.

This is a bit heavy on adjectives. Consider finding strong, active verbs and interesting nouns to better convey your meaning and avoid "flowery" sentences.

The part about the people falling into hell was good and scary!
Joanne Sher 
08/29/06
Great descriptions, and I love the whole idea of this. Would love to see you expand a bit. Great job!!