The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 526 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/12/06
You certainly caught my interest and I learned something about polliwogs. Your use of dialogue was good. I didn't see the connection to the topic "Hope" though.
Your title was great, I had to see what a polliwog has to do with "hope."

You had a few different scenes that were all individually interesting. I liked the scene with the brother at the pool and later the competition to hold their breath was well told. Your dialogue was natural.

I thought it unlikely an 8 year old would wake up to the word polliwog and connect it to her youth, though. That seems more of an adult manner of thinking.

I hope that helps. I see potential here and want to encourage you. Blessings.
05/13/06
Writing is very good. I think the story could have been smoothed between the scenes a bit better so that there was one cohesive strand flowing through. But you were able to capture and communicate the emotions of the character well.
05/15/06
Interesting story. I particularly enjoyed the first half. I think the confusion about the age of the person doing the remembering could be avoided by taking the last sentence of the first paragraph and tacking it onto the next paragraph. I didn't quite get the ending, I'm afraid. You have a knack for dialogue.