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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Dead End (02/06/14)
I felt my heart pounding faster as I ran to find an open door. I need to hide that’s what keeps running in my head. I reached for the door in front of me, my hands sweaty and cold. No, it’s locked! Darkness is coming in, I need to get in. I tried to push it with all my might but to no avail. It won’t budge. I started pounding on it…Open the door, please…..Open the door!

My alarm clock rang. It’s 6 a.m. It was just another dream. It has been a recurring dream since I can’t remember when. I was always running from something but I always end up at a locked door, a dead end.

It’s a start of another week. My life has circled around the same routine. Office, home…office, home. Not that I’m complaining. I know I’m still blessed because I have work, I can pay for my rent, I have food on the table, and I can splurge every now and then. But is that enough? I feel I’m still looking for something but I don’t know what.

Oh no, it’s 6:30 a.m. I need to leave or I won’t get to the office in time. I grabbed my coat and headed out in my fast pace steps. As I walked away, I heard a lady shout…”My baby!” I turned and saw a child walking into the busy street and a car was coming in fast.

I can’t remember what exactly happened next. I just felt my whole body go numb. I heard a baby crying and her worried mom holding her, she said…”Thank you.” Her face was blurry….i just heard sirens…people walking here and there. It’s getting dark.

My heart was pounding faster as I ran to the end of the hall. My clammy hands reached for the door. It’s locked! Why does it always have to be locked? I sat outside the door in despair. I can see darkness caving in. I reached for my handkerchief, a key fell from my pocket. I suddenly remembered I had the key to the door. It has been there all along. Now I know. I opened the door…there was light.

“All clear!” The doctor hollered. “I got a pulse…vital signs are stable.” My heart was galloping, I felt free.
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This article has been read 434 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
02/13/14
I enjoyed this multi-layered piece which had many messages throughout. A deep story with a powerful closing. Nicely done.

God bless~
Toni Hammer
02/14/14
Fascinating story. I hope you work on it more. I think were you nit constrained by the word limit and expand on he MC more this would be brilliant.
Toni Babcock 
02/15/14
Interesting piece with lot's of potential. I got a little confused when the story moved from present tense to past tense back and forth a few times. I wonder if it stayed all in one tense or the other, if that would improve your telling of the story?
Larry Whittington
02/17/14
I felt it was a difficult for me to follow the action.

The spacing of the paragraphs were nicely done though.
LaCretia Peters
02/18/14
I enjoyed the content of your message. You seemed to be sharing that the main character had found purpose by giving himself for the welfare of another. Beautiful message!!!