The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/13/14
Wow - This was great! I loved it...The MC's feelings were apparent at the beginning and you did a good job in describing them. I loved the "Hope" at the end of the story, it fit in all so well, and it's all so true. God brings HOPE to all, good job. Great ending!
I hope this does well with the Judges.

God bless~
Awesome story!! I'm going to share it with my FB friends. With a prayer. I'll post it knowing that someone lost could find their way to Hope too! Amazing!!!
I enjoyed this story and wanting to find out how Lucy found her way,
02/14/14
This is a great story - you are a terrific writer. Your characters are very believable - not sugar-coated. Dynamic ending too - you will be published one day soon turning out writing like this!
02/14/14
What a fantastic story! you know how to convey details without skimping on key points yet without belaboring the point.

Truth or fiction, this was a delight to read. I really like your title. It was only after I read the lady's name did I scroll back up to read the title again.

Constructive comments: be careful of starting many sentences with "I" or even using "I" in the story. There are creative ways to rearrange wording so sentences don't begin with "I" and there are many ways to relate yourself into the story without too many "I" references.

Please, keep writing. This was enjoyable. You have talent.
02/15/14
Great piece! You are a gifted storyteller. Your characters are authentic and have unique voices.

I would like to have heard more of your MC's internal struggle before coming forward at the end. She was pretty angry. Did she struggle with receiving God's love?

You did a great job of showing (vs. just telling) in this story. Your details brought this piece to life. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. :)
02/16/14
I too only looked at the title after i had read the story; which is unusual for me. It was a great tile and a great story well told.

My red ink is to do with sentences. Some of your sentences needed just a little adjustment.

One example is:"I even let God console me when I lost the baby at 20 weeks (--) though that’s when the anger started." I would add a -- into this, as shown. I feel the pause would add emphasis. If not a dash at least a comma because of the change in direction.

Another example is:"He is good as I stand here with leukemia and He is so good to you that He brought me and Ruth this way to help you get to your nephew’s baptism."

For me this sentence is too long for the conversation and would be better something like this:

"He is good as I stand here with leukemia. (Let that stand alone and it is powerful) And He's good to you too. Why here you are, lost and alone, and along come Ruth and I. He brought us this way to help you get to...

Of course what I've written isn't perfect either. But the shorter sentences give a little more punch to the leukemia and a little more emphasis to His provision.

As always I love an ending that changes the direction of someone's life. and your well written story does an excellent job of showing the progress the MC went through.

A great job.
02/18/14
You wrote an engaging and believable story. From the title to the nuance's of hope within it was a great read.
I loved your story! Only looked at the title after others commented on it, fits very nicely.Great writing, you have a gift.
02/20/14
Congratulations on your EC! That's quite a rare occurrence from level one! I told you, you are a fine writer!

Blessings, Lynn
02/20/14
Congratulations also on your 1st place win!
02/20/14
Congrats on your win, great story,
02/20/14
Thank you all so much for your feedback and encouragement! I appreciate every comment and critique.
This is a great story. You do an awesome job of creating the conflict right out of the box. I could picture the MC pounding the steering wheel (no, I've never done that ;))I could even almost hear it echo in the car.

The tiny bit of red ink I have is chitchat and taillights are both one word. It's really no big deal and obviously didn't bother the judges, but I thought I'd point it out for the future. I routinely have to look up words like that. (Makes great practice for Scrabble words too:))

You really did an outstanding job. I know you received some red ink, and I hope it doesn't discourage you. You're an amazing author and I can see you speeding up the ranks in record time. Your ending was super powerful too. What a beautiful message you included. Sometimes, good things can come out of dead ends if we place it in God's capable hands (or in this case someone else placed it in behalf of the MC which is even more important to remember--we can make a difference!) Congratulations on your win and EC. Happy Dance!!! (It took me 16 months to get my first EC so you rock!)