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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Expect (07/11/13)

TITLE: We won, we lost!
By Funmi Betty


The first three months passed quickly. The smiles on the face of the woman re-appeared. She was trying to bottle up the excitement, at the same time, kept her fingers crossed. What if…?

The second trimester. The bulge in her stomach was getting noticeable. She was pregnant! This is her first pregnancy after her marriage of 8 years. The tears, all gone. The pains and despair…gone too. Years of waiting for a temporary cease of the monthly blood flow. Sanitary pads became objects of deep sadness. We waited…he waited…she waited, until days turned into months and months into years.

On the day of delivery, we all rallied round the house. Where is the child we have been expecting after a long time? The Bible said, “The expectation of the righteous shall not be cut short.” What a relief! That means there would be no loss of child.

As soon as the water broke, we rushed her to the hospital, re-decorated the house to welcome the arrival of the new baby. Fingers crossed as we prayed in silence. Time sped by quickly…we prayed…we waited.

The call came in, the call we’ve been expecting. Eager to hear the news and share around in testimonies. Our expectation. Our bundle of joy. Our reason for excitement. Few minutes later, we had mixed reactions. Our expectation was not cut short, they said, we had the baby. A boy! A very healthy child with eyes as clear as crystal. He had perfect features that made us wonder if he was conceived by human, or an angel perhaps. However, our joy was cut short. The mother? We lost her. She died in the delivery process. She couldn’t even hold her son, her expectation for eight years.

Is it really true that our expectation was not cut short? Or was it because we were not righteous? We prayed! We did. We lost one and gained the other. Dear Lord, how could you? Why?

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This article has been read 259 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jody Day 07/19/13
You did a good job of creating joyful expectation. The sad ending without a spiritual solution or take-away was a challenge to read. I pray this is not a true event in your life.

I'm not sure "sanitary pads" is an image you want to present.

We have questions when tragedy strikes. Thought provoking piece:)
Larry Whittington07/19/13
The title comes alive and real at the end.

The suspense is carried throughout the article.

What would finally happen is the question in the reader's mind.

There is good flow of content that brings us to "an unexpected" conclusion.

Feelings are felt throughout the piece.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 07/22/13
Wow this is a powerful story. I used to work in maternity and it was usually the happiest place in the hospital, but when it was sad it was the saddest place.

The only red ink I might suggest would be to name the mother and identify the narrator (was it the father, mother, sister?) Things like that will build up your characters more.

However, I did waiver a bit on naming her because the impact of her death was intense so you definitely did your job of pulling me into the story. Without naming her, it allows her to be my daughter, sister, or friend so I do see both sides of that argument. I think you nailed the topic. As a nurse, I know all that can go wrong during a delivery and often consider it a miracle that there are so many healthy deliveries. You really grabbed my heart with your words. Nicely done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 07/22/13
I tend not to read titles and in your case I missed it until the afterwards, but I'm glad I did because the title would likely have given away the ending for me. The ending was unexpected, I had thought there would be something wrong with the baby, but the title shows one good thing and one bad thing and since the mother would be totally heartbroken I'm not sure you would have been able to use the same title if something happened to the baby. I hope that makes sense. One of the most powerful aspects was your ending. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut (which is a good thing for most readers to feel)
C D Swanson 07/23/13
Oh my this was so powerful and the ending was an emotional turmoil, which is how life can be at times. I pray this wasn't a "true story" although, I know these scenarios do happen. If it is true, my deepest sympathy.

Your story held my heart and moved me in many ways.

God bless~