Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Expect (07/11/13)
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TITLE: We won, we lost! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Funmi Betty
07/15/13 -
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The first three months passed quickly. The smiles on the face of the woman re-appeared. She was trying to bottle up the excitement, at the same time, kept her fingers crossed. What if…?
The second trimester. The bulge in her stomach was getting noticeable. She was pregnant! This is her first pregnancy after her marriage of 8 years. The tears, all gone. The pains and despair…gone too. Years of waiting for a temporary cease of the monthly blood flow. Sanitary pads became objects of deep sadness. We waited…he waited…she waited, until days turned into months and months into years.
On the day of delivery, we all rallied round the house. Where is the child we have been expecting after a long time? The Bible said, “The expectation of the righteous shall not be cut short.” What a relief! That means there would be no loss of child.
As soon as the water broke, we rushed her to the hospital, re-decorated the house to welcome the arrival of the new baby. Fingers crossed as we prayed in silence. Time sped by quickly…we prayed…we waited.
The call came in, the call we’ve been expecting. Eager to hear the news and share around in testimonies. Our expectation. Our bundle of joy. Our reason for excitement. Few minutes later, we had mixed reactions. Our expectation was not cut short, they said, we had the baby. A boy! A very healthy child with eyes as clear as crystal. He had perfect features that made us wonder if he was conceived by human, or an angel perhaps. However, our joy was cut short. The mother? We lost her. She died in the delivery process. She couldn’t even hold her son, her expectation for eight years.
Is it really true that our expectation was not cut short? Or was it because we were not righteous? We prayed! We did. We lost one and gained the other. Dear Lord, how could you? Why?
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I'm not sure "sanitary pads" is an image you want to present.
We have questions when tragedy strikes. Thought provoking piece:)
The suspense is carried throughout the article.
What would finally happen is the question in the reader's mind.
There is good flow of content that brings us to "an unexpected" conclusion.
Feelings are felt throughout the piece.
The only red ink I might suggest would be to name the mother and identify the narrator (was it the father, mother, sister?) Things like that will build up your characters more.
However, I did waiver a bit on naming her because the impact of her death was intense so you definitely did your job of pulling me into the story. Without naming her, it allows her to be my daughter, sister, or friend so I do see both sides of that argument. I think you nailed the topic. As a nurse, I know all that can go wrong during a delivery and often consider it a miracle that there are so many healthy deliveries. You really grabbed my heart with your words. Nicely done.
Your story held my heart and moved me in many ways.
God bless~