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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Blog (10/20/11)
It's over. Eddie wiped a tear from his eye as he plopped down on the overstuffed leather love seat. The cool chilled him and was a harsh reminder of how life would be without Millie. Life with Millie was filled with evening talks, walks in the rain, caring, sharing, life together. But now, he will be alone. Memories come into his heart. Each moment shared together. Eddie smiles through his tear remembering Millie’s presence – at times in unexpected places. He reaches for his bible and opens the pages finding notes and scribbles she playfully shared through the years. He saved every one, maybe for this moment - so he would never forget. In sweet memories Eddie closes his eyes, just for a moment everything is right.

…three weeks later……
It didn’t seem like three weeks passed since he was off tending to Millie’s illness and well… he didn’t like to think the word,... funeral. He clicked on his computer and wondered how he would begin to put his life together. His morning coffee tastes bland as he decides to open Millie’s Blog. Millie was always into writing and had started the blog on a whim. Several years ago Eddie saw her jotting in her frayed journal. As Millie shared her writings he told her how he thought she should share herself with others. Millie had always been shy and fanfare wasn’t her style. Somehow she was able to write in a blog, feeling no one really knew where the words came from. As Eddie read her last entry his eyes welled with tears…. Today, I look out through the raindrops scattered on the windowpane. The world looks content, even through the tears. Life smiles on the other side.

Eddie’s lips gently tip to a grateful smile. For Millie, he knew this was true.
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This article has been read 477 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/04/11
The beginning really intrigued me and made me want to keep reading. I liked the way you brought the topic in.

You might want to break some of the paragraphs into smaller ones. Especially in a short story the lack of white space can overwhelm the reader.

Make sure you stay consistent with the tense. You started out in the past then slipped to present then back again.


I liked the ending. I thought he was going to start writing her blog so she would live on through it. It really tugged at my heart. Grief is such a hard subject to deal with.
Randy Foncree
11/04/11
I lost a wife to brain cancer, so I'm acquainted with grief...I love how you ended this about life smiling on the other side...God bless you in your writing...
Hiram Claudio
11/04/11
This was really sweet and I link the tie to the topic. Millie sounds like a special lady. Thanks for sharing her with us!
Catherine Maher
11/05/11
The end was deffinately my favorite part. Tender moments from God are always what tug on my heart too. Thanks for sharing.
Melinda Melton
11/05/11
I really liked this and it hit close to home. I just lost a dear friend a couple days ago and her husband is left with their sweet memories.

Very creative and you showed us the story instead of telling. Great job.

Lovely ending. God Bless.
Kristine Baker
11/06/11
Your beginning sentence drew me in. I instantly wanted to know what is over. Nice job holding the memory alive of Millie.
C D Swanson 
11/08/11
This was beautifully written..You managed to share Millie with us, in a big way-with so few words.

She sounded like a lovely woman, who was positive and filled with God's love and peace. Powerful ending, a perfect line to end this heart tugging entry.

Loved it...God bless you~
Glynis Becker
11/11/11
A creative take on the topic. I really enjoyed it and would agree that smaller paragraphs would help with the flow. I also wanted to know of the backstory, but that gets hard with a short word count. Thanks so much for sharing!
Lillian Rhoades 
11/15/11
Poignant and beautiful, right down to the title.:-) Your economical use of words worked well here. Great beginning with a fabulous finale. I thought I detected a few verb tense switches in paragrap two. Just something to keep in mind. With a few minor changes, definitely a potentially publishable, short, short story.
Well done!
Llewelyn Stevenson
11/17/11
Nice. I did like it.