Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Eternity (03/10/11)
TITLE: Where My Baby Lives
By Jennifer Hill
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That night I cried like I had never before. Our three sons were sad too, even our two year old understood. They each had been so excited. My husband and I couldn’t wait to welcome and hold our wonderful child number four. I couldn’t sleep and finally when I did, I woke up having to realize the truth all over again. Our baby was gone. Days passed and my heart still ached on and on. I cried and prayed to God. I never once was mad at him. I just didn’t understand, our baby had had a heartbeat, it had been growing inside of me only weeks ago.
After a couple weeks we found out that we would need to wait to try again, my miscarriage had complications. The doctor couldn’t fully confirm the complications, but precautions had to be taken. My heart and mind could not take it. My heart broke even more. My mind raced with questions. I cried and prayed more to God.
I fully trusted in him, that he was in charge, in control. My husband agreed and out went the birth control pills. If I wasn’t meant to get pregnant, I trusted God to not allow it. If it was to be then God would bless us with another baby. Within a month of trusting prayers and clinging to his word, I thought I may be pregnant again. That Father’s Day we took the test, and sure enough it was positive. The doctor confirmed it, and never once did he scold us. He too believed and trusted in God.
The baby was monitored closely and all was alright. A beautiful baby girl was born a year and five days after the miscarriage, on Valentine’s Day. Only God could’ve planned for that. We praised God for the new little blessing in our lives.
But we never forgot our baby we loss. I think of him or her often. I even named the baby “Jamie”. I wrote notes too, never to be read by them but it helped me to say what I needed to share with them. I sometimes ask God to let Jamie know they are loved and missed.
I wonder what it is like to grow up in Heaven. Does Jamie fish in the crystal sea with my Grandpa? Bake cookies with my Grandma? Does he walk along the shores of heaven with Jesus? I often say he, I picture Jamie as a boy-just a sense I have, knowing I might be surprised when I get there. What it must be like to grow up safely in eternity. No scrapped knees, no broken dreams.
I miss our baby so much, and thank the Lord always for his promise of eternity. I know my child, part my husband and part me, is there living in Heaven. A bond my husband and I will forever share. I know someday when my time here is done, I too will be in Heaven and get to meet our baby. I have no doubts that we’ll walk up to each other and I’ll have no question as to who they are. He’ll be strong and handsome, our precious son or maybe a beautiful daughter. I know in my heart I will know them. Our first sweet embrace will be in eternity, where my heart will be fully mended.
God is so good, his will is perfect, his gifts are perfect and his timing is perfect. My baby had stopped growing inside of me, but my faith grew beyond measure during that time. That tiny little life had a reason for being, no matter how short that time was. Jamie brought me closer to the giver of life and the promise of eternity.
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