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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sibling(s) (05/01/08)
Though she never seemed to need me
Except to serve her whims
I see her in my mind and hear her weep

When young she was a beauty rare
With eyes that drew one in
I grieve her even when I am asleep

One fateful night they met
He made her feel the queen
He flattered her and pampered her delusion

She laughed when she was warned
His character was a lie
We were jealous of her then was her conclusion

Cruelty was the game she played
And all were pawns to move
Her golden hair she wore as though a crown

By measure she was taken in
So sure she had control
So subtly there was trapped and taken down

The dancing eyes now staring
As she crouches in her room
Her lover now a horde from gates of hell

The hair once soft and golden
That called for one to touch
Stripped of color bearing odd sulfuric smell

The teeth that were like pearls
Straight and gleaming white
Now few and bearing rancid roots of black

Her skin so oddly shriveled
For one who’s yet so young
For her there is no way of turning back

Her mind has not the power
To decipher what is real
Voices torture her relentless day and night

Everyone approaching near
She believes has come to kill
And she becomes a rabid animal in fight

Some say she is deserving of
This wretched state she’s in
For choices that she made in days of youth

Though many were the warnings
She laughed us all to scorn
Refusing then to hear the saving truth

But my heart cannot be cold
As I see her wretched frame
And I pray for what can yet be salvaged there

For she is still my sister
Created by our God
Who ever reaches out with Loving care
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Jan Ackerson
05/10/08
What a sad poem! I could easily visualize this poor woman, and could sense the narrator's pain over her lost sister.

I'm not sure that "horde" is the correct word, and a few tweaks of the meter might help this to flow better.

I'd love to read more about this sister, even in story form...it's a tragic story.
LauraLee Shaw
05/10/08
Haunting. Incredible descriptions throughout. This one caught my eye:
The teeth that were like pearls
Straight and gleaming white
Now few and bearing rancid roots of black
Marilyn Schnepp 
05/11/08
Very, very creative - and shows the emotions from envy, to concern, to distress, to downfall, and finally to God and love for a hurting sister. Very nice!