The Official Writing Challenge
BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN
INSTRUCTIONS
how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level
ENTRIES
submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners
Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.


TRUST JESUS TODAY

  • Share
  • how it works
  • Submit
Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of “All that Glitters is Not Gold” (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (01/24/08)
Casting her fire on all who dared to glance
Malicious queen of delight and desire
Clutched men’s souls in her deceptive trance

Only a fool dared to chance a venture
Demanding all for her be given
No place for love no space for censure

Soothing voice sweetly slaved the living
Hair of stunning, eyes that entrance, lips of promise
All was taken, nothing given

Showered by jewels of great design
The sweetest of nectars to quench the thirst
Finest of cuisines were hers to dine

Preying upon men as witless stools
A heart of ice, loathing the light
There was no pity, all men were ghouls

Compelling there soul to the mistress of desire
They would obey no matter the cost
The illusory promise of heaven turned to fire

One creation she could not entice
Time did pass and dim her flame
Men no longer craved to play her price

Doomed to sorrow, to face the shame
To loath the past, to feel the pain
Heaven's lost, devil's gain

Did Satan claim the repentant soul
A perishing body depart lamenting
Another life release its hold

Heaven did thrust a spear
There was the blood, there was the cure
Peace and life or death and fear

No matter the sin, no matter the fall
The blessed hope to all who trust
Could with final gasp she heeded the call

A desert grave, flowers so frail
Etched in stone “As you will
Heaven or Hell”
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
This article has been read 760 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Laury Hubrich 
02/02/08
Interesting poem. There's much here to chew on:) Keep up your writing!
Laury
Jan Ackerson
02/02/08
I love the unique structure of this poem, and the strong imagery.

Two minor awkward spots:

Compelling there soul to the mistress of desire

...should be their souls

And "hair of stunning" may need to be rephrased.

Other than that, I found this a powerful and moving poem, very well done.
Sara Harricharan
02/05/08
hmmm, very, very interesting. There is a lot going on in this piece, the line with 'hair of stunning' read a little awkward to me, my favorite line was :

Preying upon men as witless stools
A heart of ice, loathing the light
There was no pity, all men were ghouls

Pretty descriptive! ^_^
Benjamin Graber
02/07/08
Wow, I like this one a lot. powerful imagery, with a powerful finish.
I think that your use of the word "did" in a few lines is awkward, you might want to work at rewording them. Particularly in the lines "Time did pass and dim her flame" and "Heaven did thrust a spear"...
Excellent job! Keep up the good work!
Blessings,
Ben