The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
02/01/08
Very clever idea for this topic!

The conversation didn't really read like chat room conversation, which really has its own language. And the last several paragraphs just confused me; they seemed to be both a flashback and a flash forward, and weren't entirely supported by the rest of the story.

I really liked the personality development in the first 2/3s of this--very well done.
02/01/08
Very good. This is up-to-date writing, using chatrooms:) I especially like this:

"Having a conversation in a chat room without the advantage of body language and voice inflection wasn’t easy, but on Angel’s Latté a couple of people seemed to be able to pick up on how you were really feeling - God’s Girl was one of them."

My Australian friend and I were just talking today on IM about how it's just not the best messaging system. It leaves room for misunderstandings sometime:)

Very good writing. Maybe you should have mentioned the women's backgrounds as you brought them up in the conversation. The way you did it was a little confusing. Keep up the writing!
Laury
02/05/08
You made this interactive and easy to keep the reader in there with using a chatroom, some italics might've helped to make the chat seem alittle more believeable though, the back story at the end is confusing, is Janno, Janice? or am I missing a whole character completely? This was pretty good and very interesting. ^_^
02/05/08
So, the chat room, Angel's Latte, turned out to be Angel's ________ toilet soup or something :0)

Good idea. Started good. Just think about the one point that you really want to make and have everything revolve around, and refer back to, and elude to that point without giving it away until you bring the thought full circle in the end. It really is a Writers' Challenge, isn't it?
02/07/08
Great and modern illustration of the topic with a sudden death ending! However the sudden-death ending assumed the birth of a new (and gestated) friendship life. What a great response to the topic!
Great job with this. Just wanted to stop by and add a "thanks" for your help at the Newbie site. Look forward to reading more of your pieces. :)
I guess I had missed this one Lynne. I'm glad I went back and reviewed your past entries. I loved how you captured the essence of an Internet chat room with names like "Drainoman." That cracked me up! :)