The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/09/22
Well written. This is a similar story of a Roman officer whose daughter died. Then Jesus healed the daughter.
I liked the story. God can work miracles.
This is a nice retelling. You bring the characters to life. A common practice is to put thoughts in italics to differentiate them from dialog. You could also add some body language to make the story pop even more. For example instead of saying she was delighted to see her friend, show what that looks like. Out of all the judging criteria, I think you might score lower on the topic one. You do mention the topic word a couple of times, but it doesn't feel central to the story. I'd never guess the topic if I didn't know it and if you removed the lines where you used the topic words, it wouldn't change the story much. You did do a nice job of writing a strong beginning to pull the reader I and a strong ending to resolve the conflicts. You also gave a clear message and have a point to the story. Good job.