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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: ADAGE (10/05/23)
I’d gone out to a party, Mom,
and heard your loving voice...
“There might be those who choose to drink,
but that will be their choice.
Just think about each consequence
of what some drinks might do,
and who might suffer at the hands
of what you’ll put them through...

O’ might you cause an accident
and jeopardize a life?
Or might you cause harm to yourself
and bring on added strife?
How would you feel about yourself
if harm you caused someone?
How do you think that I would feel
if that would be you, son?...

I pray that all your friends take heed,
and hear their mother’s voice...
I pray that they will stop and think
and make a good, wise choice...
I pray they know all mothers' hearts
are filled with love, my son...
I pray that no harm ever come
to you, or anyone.”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Noel Mitaxa 
10/13/23
Some thoughtful advice.
Naoma Bird
10/18/23
Yes, good advice for teens but also for Moms & Dads.
For parents: Talk with your kids!They will remember what you say.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
10/19/23
This is really sweet with a powerful message. I think you did a great job of pulling me in right away with love. I noticed some tiny things like no quotation marks at beginning of stanza to show Mom is still speaking. The other thing is to match nouns with the right plural words. For example friends is plural so then likely they have more than one mother so match that up like this: friends take heed,
and hear their mothers' voices...stop and think and make good choices. Those are tiny things but they can help with the flow. I think you nailed the topic without ever using topic word and delivered a powerful, pertinent message that I wish were required reading for all teen drivers. I can't wait to read more of your work.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
10/19/23
I just wanted to clarify my comment about quotation marks. If same person is still speaking, there should be quotation marks at beginning of stanza/paragraph, but not at the end until speaker is done speaking. https://www.englishgrammar101.com/module-13/punctuation-quotation-marks/lesson-3/more-on-quotation-marks-with-dialogue#:~:text=When%20quoting%20several%20paragraphs%20of,end%20of%20the%20last%20paragraph.
Again this is a great piece. ?
Loni Bowden-Horn 
03/01/24
I think you nailed the topics and it was advice that many need to hear and can lead to tragic results if not heeded.