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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: ALL TALK, NO ACTION (01/10/19)
Stop living for money, if you’re rich in God you’ll get your mansion
Don’t be selling your soul just for earthly satisfaction
I speak truth, this is not a fair transaction
When you meddle with temptations, darkness follows its attraction
Losing sight of the light, you must beware of distraction
You keep adding to your greed, while God is in subtraction
Many say that they will change, but all I see is all talk, no action

I meant it, so I said it
All talk, no action and someday soon you'll regret it
The path of procrastination, when followed, will overtake you if you let it
So I walk in His footsteps, because this path, I know who lead it
For once you know the truth, it is impossible ever to forget it
We’re all only given one shot to meet our maker, so I pray that you don’t wreck it
Being rescued from the dark, I not only pray, I beg it

Without action, failure is what we talk
When we veer from the path, lost we will walk
We were given free-will, but so easily its bought
I am what I am, and not what I’m not
If we are what we think, surely we’re just a thought
So when you wander into darkness, tread lightly not to get caught
Or your soul will find a prison, departed and left to rot

I say these things and they scare you
But what’s scary is you teach our youth all things were created from nothing, how dare you
Spare us false teachings and I pray God spares you
Beware of the Lier, for I fear he has ensnared you
For the disbelief that’s in your heart, makes it hard to even bare you
Hell is real and for it, all the wicked in the world could never prepare you
Although there are so many of you broken, He is willing and waiting to repair you
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This article has been read 265 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Yvonne Blake 
01/17/19
This had a very modern rap beat feel to it - with ending rhymes, but not a regular rhythm.
I noticed that you capitalized the word "Liar" - meaning Satan, but not "maker" - meaning God. Maybe it was an oversight, but was important to me. (Also, note the spelling of "liar.")
Your message was clear. Thanks for writing this. Keep it up!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
01/17/19
This is an interesting poem. I could easily see it as a mini-sermon in many church pulpits. I know you included the topic words in the poem, which was nice, but I'm not sure if the topic flows throughout the entire piece. Poetry is not my strong suit at all, so I won't comment on the flow or meter. I did notice a couple of minor typos. You used lead, but spelled it like the present tense (rhymes with deed) or the metal. I think you wanted led or maybe leads it. I also think you wanted to bear you, not bare (unless you want to uncover your subject). Those are little things, but they can make a big difference in meaning. You have some great rhymes. Some felt a tiny bit forced, but overall, I felt they fit nicely. The message is a strong one. I can definitely feel your passion in your words. I also believe the Holy Spirit had a hand in your writing. It's always powerful when I can feel the Holy Spirit nudging me.
Linda Lawrence
01/17/19
I'm just starting to try to improve my writing by critiquing other's submissions. Poetry is not my thing, but this grabbed me. I noticed each of the words (noted in the above critiques) that need fixing, , so you do want to fix those obvious easy fixes. But all in all, I think this is an attention-getting message, well put.
C D Swanson 
01/19/19
I really loved the message and meaning behind your words, well done!
Thank you...

God bless~
Marlene Custer 
01/19/19
Good message. Ditto on the above critiques. Keep up the good work.
Marlene Custer 
01/19/19
Good message. Ditto on the above critiques. Keep up the good work.
Barbara Culler 
01/20/19
I read this with the rap beat, and it seemed to fit. Would be great for a youth sermon!