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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: CHILDHOOD (03/09/17)
We were happy. We had a great time at church that morning and our mood was light and joyful.

Our car window was rolled down because although it was a damp British day there was no rain, yet.

“Have you room for one more passenger”? said a cheery voice.
Harold’s head and shoulders peered into the back window of our small compact car.
“Oh God,” I thought to myself “….not today.” I groaned inaudibly.

In vain I tried to think of a reason to refuse but I was too weak and too polite. I could not come up with a valid thought as he opened the back door and crawled into the empty back seat, next to my 4-year-old son’s car seat.

My ten-year-old daughter squeaked in disbelief. My husband’s lips smiled, but his eyes did not.

It was a damp day after all and it would be a kind deed to give the friendly man a ride home. His home, as we well knew, was about half a mile away from the church.

It was an agonising trip. Harold’s bulk filled up all the available back seat space. The most problematic thing of all was that he had very strongly offensive body odour.

Being close to him was almost nauseating and in the close proximity of our car, it was overwhelming.I don’t believe that he had had a bath in years.

We felt sorry for him. He was intellectually challenged and he loved our family. He was always smiling and ran to greet us whenever we went to the local supermarket where he worked as a ‘cart’ boy.

I dared not take a deep breath because I felt as though I would pass out, so I exhaled a lot and smiled at him in the mirror.

“Blow out!” I kept saying to myself…

I did not dare to look at my daughter in the back seat whom I knew was suffering.

Out of the fog of our distress, I heard the childish voice of my son say,“Mum, where is that funny smell coming from?” No one responded. It was all too embarrassing.Minutes later as Harold alighted from the car he said with a laugh,“I hope he was not talking about me".

I could not think of an honest thing to say so I said nothing and neither did my pale husband. I smiled and said, "Have a good day Harold".

As we drove home with the car windows fully opened and the rain coming in, I wondered if we had helped Harold.
Maybe the childish honest of my son had been what was needed to make him realise he had a problem.I could not think of a kind way to communicate such a horrible thing with Harold so I determined in my mind that the next time he needed a ride home we would just do what we did today.I would just keep blowing out; long breaths out and short ones in…

On reflection, I value the honesty of children. They have not learned how to be silent and 'dishonest'. I also ask the question, "Is this the loving thing to do?"
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This article has been read 458 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Katy Foster
03/18/17
SO funny! I read it aloud to my daughter and we laughed and laughed. We then had great discussion: "What would you do?"
My favorite reads are always the ones that keep me pondering after I read it.
Thank you!
Phillip Cimei
03/18/17
A fun read with a good message. I think we all have been in situations like that and wonder how can we help a person out without hurting feelings. Great job of getting your point across. That is a part of childhood we wished we had and at the same time shun away from doing it. It is a quandary. Now for some red ink. I would have left our "The most problematic thing of all was that he had very strongly offensive body odour." You did a good job of describing it in an effective way after that. And that is what so many don't do. they stop at just saying he has odor (odour). You did a good job on the hook of the story. Some of the sentences could have been combined in one paragraph. I think it was a good read and I liked it a lot. God bless.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/22/17
This is a great story. The conflicts stand right out and compel the reader onward. The only red ink would be to show more instead of tell. Have the mom nuzzle her nose in the nook of her elbow, have the hubby say, I know it's cold out, but man it's hot in this small car as he subtlety fans the air so only his wife can see. You had some good patches of smelling not telling, but I wanted more. I thought the open-ending brilliant. The answer to that question could vary based on so many things. You did a fantastic job.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/25/17
Congratulations on ranking2nd in your level and 20 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.