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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: LOCKED (10/27/22)
It was a young man who killed the king’s son. He was the king’s only son, “the apple of his eye.” The king appointed men to hunt for him, and they found him. They said he was a murderer, so they put him in one of the inner cells, stripped him, and left him with a loin cloth. They gave him no food to eat nor water to drink. They locked the doors, put pads on them, and guards around them. It was a horrible crime to kill the king’s son.

Then they brought him to trial, and they found him guilty. The judge sentenced him to execution under horrible capital punishment, and he would be killed by inches until his mortal life left his body.
When the judge sentenced him, he cried, begged, and said, “Though I am guilty—though I am guilty, I am sorry that I did it. In a moment, in a rage of my temper, I did it, and I didn’t mean to do it that way.”

The king was so sad after his son’s death that he could not eat much or drink and wanted to be alone. He battled with revenge thoughts, which kept him from sleeping. He cried and wallowed in his grief and pain. He was in much agony, dying slowly.

One day he felt the urge to visit the young man. He went to the cell, and when he peeped into it, the young man looked like a caged-in animal. He was skinny and was lying there in the corner, crying. His face sunk in, his jaws dropped back, his eyes with matter all over. His mouth was white; he had no water to drink, thirsty lying on his face. He was a sorrowful sight.

The king approached him and said, “Stand up! Why did you kill my son? What did he do to merit such a death, stabbing him to death with a spear?”

The young man replied, trembling with tears, “Nothing, my lord—not one thing. Just my own impudence, just my own ways. I killed him because I was jealous of him, and I got into a temper fit and killed him. Now I’m to die under your justice, sir. I realized that you deserve to do it. the only thing I’m crying for, that I’m just sorry that I killed that royal man like that, without a cause.”

The king turned around, walked to his desk, and said to his private secretary, “Destroy all the records. Wash him and clean him. I will send down a robe for him.”

After a while, a tremendously big limousine drove up to the door. A carpet spread out to the prison cell, and the young man walked out, confused, crying, thinking, “Is this a dream?”
The king stood at the end of the limousine and said, “Come, my son, and ride home with me to the palace.” He put his robe around his shoulder and said, “From henceforth, you are my son.”

Amazing Grace.

That is what Jesus did for us. He destroyed our records of sin, throwing them in the sea of forgetfulness once we confess and turn from our wicked ways. And we are now sons and daughters of God. He places His robe of righteousness on us, and we are on our way with Him home to be forever with Him.

Such Grace! Such Wondrous Grace!
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Marlene MCPherson
11/05/22
From this story the lesson that is prominent is that sin has locked us in a caged, so with salvation we are free.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/10/22
This is a interesting story with a good message. You started off with the killing, which is a great conflict to start with, but instead of using passive sentences, try using active ones. You could also tighten it up some too to make it look something like this: The young man stabbed the king’s only son, the apple of his eye, until the son laid on the ground, lifeless.
Just little changes like this can make a huge difference. Be careful of POV shifts too. You jumped into the minds of both characters. Instead by just telling it from one POV, you have to describe what the MC sees and feels, creating more of a picture for the reader. You did a nice job of writing on topic, pulling the reader in, and creating a clear message for the reader.